Dinner, Drumming, Art Tribe....with some healthy anxiety

So here I go again....learning and filling the head with mumbo/jumbo...not really...just always reaching to education myself the way I've found works...well sometimes.

I've been getting some nudges and I've been giving in to them and it's exciting and also kind of scary, though as I read these books about Art and how to use it in life, all of life...I seem to know it all to well. Eye opener....been living it and processing it...

The book by Shaun McNiff-Trust the Process

A person's license to create is irrevocable, and it's open to every corner of daily life. But it is always hard to see that doubt, fear and indirectness are eternal aspects of the creative path.  

This statement on the first chapter of this book hit me....In the process over the years, I know I'm not alone on this...read and heard many stories...the doubt, fear and indirectness are as strong or stronger sometimes then the other side of the coin when continuing being creative. There is so much more to this book then what I'm babbling about there. (What I've read so far is very affirming)

I circle (monkey mind, over thinking and distorted sometimes) around every event, class, workshop and exhibiting opportunity...one would think it would be time to be pass it all.  No their there....doubt, fear and indirectness all the time. Might it be time for the "Acceptance" and to make peace and balance. Reality is life isn't a smooth path....hear me know...Thank God...because that would become very boring for us folks but I seem to wish this way too often.

Doubt....not confident in ones own abilities
Fear....lost perspective-faith 
Indirectness....the need to know before hand....Crystal ball would be nice. 


So as usual...I've been going through the process of preparing for the 7th Outdoor Studio Exhibit and little by little chipping at getting things ready.....the doubt slips in and I've been know to lose all perspective and wonder....Stop this I keep telling myself...just stop this thinking!

I look at the list and put blinders on and keep going...nudging my way somewhere. With all this preparing moments of great inspiration have also been right along side the DoubtFearIndirectness stuff and I've been working on my "Totem" as I call it and I'm wondering now if that is even a good name for it/them (I would like to make two more)

Well I will be preparing, hosting for a bunch of Creative Women tonight, and that means with creative taste buds.  I just pray the food all works out...and then not sure when but we will have a drumming experience.   My first beside standing in my studio to some music on the IPod. Must be my age and my right of passage that this is come about.

I know well I don't really know but can Imagine that one doesn't want to listen to this ramble but it's all healthy.  It's part of the process...the anxiety of the moment and how it will all work out...where's my crystal ball...what fun would it be if we know everything?  Really...I'm experience life in it finest form through emotions and my senses.

Seeing life only in black and white....(though I love black and white) is not a healthy perspective...As I've shared with some of my Sage Women, Elders the Grey area is where they find themselves more now these days.  The doubt isn't a form of black or white...it a place where I can stop and get my barrings/land legs  and see....As I have had dinners before, in fact 35 people over for thanksgiving and we  were all full and happy at the end. (confidence in myself) Allowing fear to step in is me not looking at the steps I can take and trusting in those manageable measurements of abilities.  And having indirectness is just being a willy-nilly.  Once one as stepped into the realm of all that is filling them with anxiety...something happens...all that emotional hooey goes out the window...things that you didn't image come forth and you are making new choices that keep you present in faith and well you've made it through the other side of black and white to the grey. The wonderful Mixture of life has blessed you  now with possibilities. All this is life...a natural process in all aspects.

Pep talk over and getting excited....to be in this day doing what I'm about to do. Expectation....are to life in the moment and experience what is....Accept as it is and adjust myself to it and a wonderful mixture of grey will be upon me. I do love grey...