What does you heart love? Can you make a list 1-50?

1. morning quiet with candle, coffee and journal writing.

2. before the sun comes up a morning walk

3. raking leaves listening for the sandhill cranes migrating over our house.

4. good BLT sandwich

5. immature goofiness and laughter among family

6. walks in the woods being present, connecting spiritual to the world.

7.skin to skin touch

8. home cooking good smells in the house

9. being rescued by my man-the husband

10. long rich deep conversation with a long old girlfriend

11. my four legged friends

12. listening to the inner thoughts, needs and creating outward.

13. Road trip north

14. tending to my yard, gardening

15. a clean home

16. dressing up for no reason but to feel good in my clothes

17. connecting in a circle with others

18. a good drumming circle

19. Gong session

20. sitting in a rocking chair rocking and meditating.

21. frozen blueberries, like M&M but better

22. clean eating

23. witnessing others enjoy life and growing, my adult children now

24. Having moments of peace, calm and solitude

25. seeing and hearing the wildlife all around our home.

I'll leave my list at that for now....feeling the heart tugging. After making note of the things your heart loves

Raining out...in the studio

 How small this violin looks up next to my hand... I guess I should look up the different size to understand the surface I'm working on but hell...no time for that got to get sanding.  I'm wanting to break up the clear varnish surface so I can change the color.  Before the violins I made stayed with the wood grain but these three I'm switching and stepping this up a bit.

First coat of gesso in on and second one soon and then time to let it dry good. Then it's time to say some prayers and noodle about my inspiration..

Some inspiration came this morning and now I have to put a bit of move on this and see what comes of it.

On to the next one

This is taking longer then I thought...

Still in process...a bit more to go....but past a big hurtle.  The little book needs to be more stable in how it's laying vertical in the box provided. 

Catching-up on the blog

 Yesterday after a few things on the list got check off...had some computer things to do.  I layered up and went for a walk in the woods. Wearing heavier boots and snow makes ya burn a bit more calories, but I'm not concerned about that I'm going for the mental and spiritual aspects. Cold yes but refreshing.

The tail marks give it away.  A jumping mouse, well a mouse or  mice were venturing out and above the snow. They say you only really see evidence of the animals in wild places mostly.  Seeing the tracks of the animals is so much fun and to see where they travel in the woods. As of the easiest path to take so they don't burn up all their energy.  Got to save it and make it last, green food is not as plentiful as before. 

 They were flying over and I heard it was their big day, about 7000 or so, Sandhill Cranes that is. The sky was so beautiful and right for the migration.

 Couldn't help myself had to buy some cranberries and cook them up.  There so darn good for you.

 I happened upon the church I use to go to when the kids were smaller and well I'm still a member but I choice not to go and practice my faith and spiritual guides in other ways, like walking the in the woods...but I did stop in and took a peek in the Playroom to see if the mural I painted with the help of a dear friend Lorraine.  Amazing that it has stayed up this long. The Mary I painted has blond hair...not sure what I was thinking as of do we really know what color her hair was?   so Blond it is in this mural. 

For my next series I'm doing the animals silhouettes and this is a Snow Owl in flight.  Amazing birds. 

 This is the close up of the first one I did...The owl will be done in the same way. 

 Yesterday part of the computer work was preparing a description for our local library to have a new 2 session class offered, Pocket Art Journals,  make it and take it with you.. I've been personal doing this for a few years. It's amazing to look back a them and see what you documented in our life.  They can be call daily journals too.

Quick morning photo in the studio of the progress I'm making on the violin...I have to admit with so many other things going on and pulling for my attention I was having a hard time with it...to much distance between creating session.  but I'm back at it and it's a slower process then my collage work.  Working with a theme....not got a title yet but has to do with a Willow tree. 

Ok caught up on some things....time to learn about teas today...and some food shopping too. 

Change my image Last one for the Year

Life is the fire that burns and the sun that lights. 

Life is the wind and the rain and the thunder in the sky.

Life is matter and earth, what is and what is not and what is beyond that in Eternity. 

Entering into the Holiday Season and Healing

Not sure how others work through the holidays but the past couple of years we have picked names and set limits on the gift giving amount for family members which has lifted a stressor off the shoulders for many of us.   We can be grateful for that...

Thanksgiving is coming and the gathering of relative over a hearty food feast is amazing and we see each other and feel the warmth and special family bonds.

Besides the Holiday Normalities there are the pass life stuff that seems to rob some of us of our present moments.   This is where healing past traumas comes in.  Recently I had a bit of trigger that popped up. 

Though it was all good, I had many household moves in my young life...made friends and then had move again and again.  Little did I know I would have a hard time accepting the change and letting go, how could a little child understand this....My mother is something but there was a whole lot of yelling that went on from her when we, my sister and I where young to. My mom was very young when she had me, 16...barely grown herself playing dolls so to say.  Years passed, then parents decide to not be married anymore....another traumatic thing...I  behaved like it's no big things shut off outside feelings and let the inner ones fester....then they settled like mud in a glass of water, time passes and till something triggers it, stirs it up.  I'm flaring back up with pass feelings that are robbing of the present day.    Therapy sure could do that...but I'm a program person and realizing behaviors in myself looking back like this and not staring is a continual practices and recently I had a loved one tell me I just don't know how to let go of stuff.  I have to admit that it hurt to hear that.   So much so I had to leave the room and went to the studio and started sewing my little leaves for my green/blue violin....Old way of dealing with life was go draw, color or make something.   Which out of this all has been a good skill to help one process through stuff....

Processing things takes me a long, long time I admitted to myself and that there is some truth to the statement made.  I felt as though I had falling into the victim role and Oh poor me always having things taken away from you... Awareness and awakening...if this is all that has happened to me and I've allowed it to fester like this... Thank the Greater Spirit.   Because their are those that have had so much worse happen to them...

It makes me feel silly but it's also some natural flaws that I'm am connecting to and trying to understand and accept so yes I can let go...

I'm like a dog with a bone....not dropping that thing for nothing.

Healing doesn't mean it never happened;  healing means it no longer controls your life.

Trauma is the response to a deeply disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences.

Trauma can be caused by a "major" event i.e. war, rape, accident or "minor" event that is repeated, long-term, constant, etc. which is where I think alcoholism, dysfunctional household fits.

If your wound does not heal, you will continue to bleed all over those who did not cause it.

this an elder shared with me awhile back... 

I don't want to bleed all over....

I'm coming to realizes that my longed-for healing takes place in the living.  I don't get well first and then start to mend. To become whole person, I need to live now, take part, and become involved with others.  Sometimes I can do this just a little at a time.  Until I can do more, I'm nurturing a willingness in me to become more open-minded to my life and the people in it. 

Healing is a process that will continue the rest of my life. I know how unhealthy I've been, yet I also know that my recovery has begun. My participation in everyday, ordinary life is a small but firm step away from the pain of isolation and toward a life of loving involvement.  

These words are from a mediation book I read daily...the messages are out there to keep learning who to live life on life's terms.  So Grateful 

Working with the Bear Medicine....

Bear Medicine- Enter the womb cave to hibernate to digest the years’ experience. Our goals reside in the west.                                                                                                                                                                             

Art of introspective is necessary. Each of us has the capacity to quiet the mind, enter the silence and know. Inner

knowing Dream Lodge. Walk the Path of silence calming the internal chatter, reaching the place of rites of passage.

Goals become concrete realities. The power of the bear, the knowing has invited to enter the silence. This is strength

the of the Bear. 

Have I placed my own feeling and knowing aside?

Is it time to regain your authority? for no one know better than yourself what is proper and timely for your evaluation.

Reclaim the power of knowing.

Find joy in the silence and richness of the mother’s womb.

Allow the thoughts of confusion to be laid to rest as clarity

Emerges from the West, nurturing your dreams as the Earth Mother nourishes us all. Bear is teaching you that only

Through being your own advisor can you attain your true goals. 

To achieve happiness, you must know yourself. To know yourself is to know your body, your mind, and your spirit.

Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses and know that both are necessary in your evolution. Journey with bear

To the quietness of your cave and hibernate in silence. Dream your dreams and own them. Then in strength you will be

Ready to discover the honey waiting in the Tree of Life. 

So I have this book that was written a while ago and it's call Medicine Cards by Sams and Carson.  There isn't a lot of animals in the book but the more common ones. For what reason I don't question but just work with the bear was the animal I picked first.  I've learned over the year to trust the nudge of directions and go a bit deeper.  I do like the answers I'm receiving from the words of the book about the Bear.   

The healing, inner and outer seems be a journey I've been on for a long time.  I know there is a constant need for emotional balance, I think it's a genetic thing...I see it in my mother and in my one daughter the strongest.  The feeling gene/or coming from the heart....Well off and on with the day.  I get all excited with information like this, believing in the direction of where it's leading me is always a healthy path.  Look in, calming and being silent resting...Knowing the body, mind and spirit stuff.  If I didn't have a creative outlet to work with I'm not sure what would be...but grateful that I've always had this to turn to.