Pain and how paying attention is the way to lean in not away.

Small 2 x 2 with collage and mixed media, random moments of attention to thoughts inside and outside the body. 

Paying attention to details....These days I have to admit all I want to do it turn away to the outside influences trying to knock at my door.  It's not bad but the chaos and commotion have me a bit on edge. I know it has to do with the opinion my Husband is sharing with me about our state of affairs, politically.  He tries to get my goat, (not on purpose, but to engage) I really know in my heart how things should be and how things are not heading in that direction.  With in me I don't have power to change things alone.  But I do have my own life and truths to live by and be in.  

So about attention, how easily I trail off into some other thought about what I have to check off the boxes of my days agenda...trying now to pay attention to another's while there is some anger about, trying to be kind. This morning I listened as most morning as that is the time for my morning pages,(which I do wake up earlier to write.) Now so does he, the Husband.  The information the way things hurts (man don't show hurt like we think they should)  and don't make sense.  He's protecting me with the information as he sees it and want's me to be informed.  That is sweet... And why am I rambling on about this all?  Trying to understand even though there is some heavy approach to words of convincing there still can be connection. 

I'm going to share some stuff from Week Two Artist Way, that has me contemplating life stuff.  

Julia shares about the letters she's read from her grandmother and the random little details of the day.  How it was so special to read why all the while things weren't that good with her Grandmother's health.  The detail was how she dealt with the pain.  The very things that can manifest and trail us off into fantasy, daydreaming and keeping our heads spinning.  Not dealing with our pain and paying attention to what it's trying to teach us or guide us.  Does that make sense?  

Our lives need us to continue to pay attention. Lean into the pain and observe the details which this is how we connect.  Denial is or aimlessness not paying attention can lead to less awareness and participation in life.  Julia shares the Attention is the way to connect and survive.  And there is thought about stopping the pain all the time, one should not feel pain, our children should not go through any pain which is still true, Pain does equal change.  I never wish pain on anyone but the pain that natural come on in life is our greatest lesson and teacher they have said for many years. 

So back to a bit of the wordage above the Husband is paying attention to details he's hearing and seeing and he's leaning into his pain of it all.  And this awareness and understanding helps me detach but still connect.  Allow it to flow and roll where it needs to be.  it's hard not to block out, close up and turn away. 

Sharing a story from the artist way, 

My grandmother lived with that man in tiled Spanish house, in trailers, in tiny cabin halfway up a mountain, in railroad flat, and finally, in a house made out of ticky tacky where they all looked just the same. "I don't know how she stands it." my mother would say, furious with my grandfather for some new misadventure. She meant she didn't know why. The truth is, we all knew how she stood it. She stood it by standing knee-deep in the flow of life and paying close attention.  

The lesson of the letters was, survival lies in sanity and sanity lies in paying attention. Grandmother know what a painful life had taught her: success and failure, the truth of a life really has little to do with it's quality. The quality of life is in proportion and always to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. 

The reward for attention is always healing. Attention is an act of connection.  And pain has become something more valuable: experience. 

Julia shares more... Writing about attention, I see that I have written a good deal about pain, This is no coincidence. It may be different for others, but pain is what it took to teach me to pay attention. In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now.  

Details- each moment, taken alone was always bearable.  And you begin to realize that each moment was not without it's beauty.   

The time I spend alone allow me to catch up, because sometimes trying to pay attention is painful and taking it in smaller doses allow for the acceptance. Not turning away but swallowing it slowly these days.  The things I ramble on about may not have any great concern for others though they make great sense to me.  

Personally with painful things I one that wants to run away, and when corner with pain I will fight for sure.  Being able to make a choice is another key to this whole paying attention and dealing with life stuff.  I've gravity to creative projects all of my life it gives me a place to pay attention and time to accept...not that I agree but accept what is with the hint of beauty. 

This is the stuff I long to discussion in a circle and how it effects other and learn from experience...