May and June, Changing day

 May-June Section of my Vision Board.   National Vision Board day was January 8th and that is when I presented a workshop at my local library to a wonderful trusting and adventurous women.  Next Year January 14th will be the day to celebrate ourselves and good intentions. 

I woke up early and wanted to trim my hair...there's some dry ends and well that's what I did after I put the coffee on and showered.  I look at this image of myself and think about how I was feeling that day.  Took the hair thingy out of hair and just shook my head and then look at myself and the thought came to take a picture of yourself.  Sitting at the my Studio computer I did just that.   My Husband said I have two smiles, one that is natural and one that is too smiley...And this is one that is natural.   

I'm reading the book Bittersweet by Susan Cain.....another good one, Susan wrote the book Quiet which again was a mind opening experience.  You will see this newer quote from her coming out soon all over the place...It's one that we can all relate to.  "Whatever pain you can't get rid of make it your creative offering."   This blew me away.  The more and more I read it and let it savor I think about how my art has been the leftover pain the offering.    And this is not the pain of losing someone or tragedy in the world which is more a traumatic pain. That I've worked with many times, this is the stuff life is made of.   The stuff we try to stuff, numb and deny. 

There is a whole lot of uncertainty now in the world.  There was a whole lot of uncertainty the last few years...that's a from of pain right? And when you go back over the century for us human's there's always been some kind of Whole lot of Pain.  

This is not a "Oh poor me," entry but it is something I've known about myself for a while...the loneliness I felt often, which I do spend a considerable amount of time by myself.  That I need to is the Alone Time.  This is where when I reading a book awhile back with another book club Artist's Rule, it's about the similarity of  a Monk, Mystic and an Artist.  Anyways  I'm also a very feelings kind of person from the heart but that doesn't' always get shown. One of the things is questioning the feelings and keeping myself in balance with them...a life time of work..hahaha. 

I reflect back on how there is a lonely thread from my childhood.  I always thought it came from loss my sister Patty at a very young age.   But I truly think it's my make up, character and personality. 

The Point of this rambling blog entry is how you use that pain in your life and I've always turned to some form of creativity, hours in the sandbox, coloring every page in a coloring book, drawing, making of paper and cutting, gluing of papers, molding  and creating with clay, printing, cooking, and sewing etc... In my latter years I've been working with process and how what is going on outside of me with how I feel inside and making sense of it.  This helps explain it.  The It of life...the stuff we can't get rid of...what do you do with it.  Some say let it go, sure that is a process but some of us are made that way...we/I are do'ers and we need to use that energy of pain like using the energy of angry and fear to move us forward in life as of getting up each day and having purpose to serve in our life.   

And then you make abstract art and people want to know where that Idea came from, Right?   Not speaking for all artists but I have a good "Feeling," we are close to it.