introspective work...deep thinking on a level of new perspective.

I'm re posting the beginning statement in Week One of Walking in this World...Discovering a sense of origin...
This week initiates your creative pilgrimage. (oh I love those two words together) You are the point of origin. You begin where you are with who you are, at this time, at this place. You may find yourself hopeful, skeptical, excited, resistant, and all of the above. The readings and tasks in week one all aim at pinpoint the "You" you have been evading. When we avoid our creativity, we avoid ourselves. When we meet our creativity, we meet ourselves, and that encounter happens in the moment. The willingness to be ourselves gives us the origin in originality. 

Origin - or·i·gin
1.   source: the thing from which something develops, or the place where it comes from

2. ancestry: the ethnic group, social class, or country that somebody belongs to or that somebody's family comes from

Synonyms: source, derivation, cause, beginning, basis, foundation

And now I'm adding from the other book I'm re-reading...here I go again..

from the introduction section of the book...Gift of Imperfection...Brene Brown,

When we're looking for compassion, we need someone which is deeply rooted, able to bend and most of all, we need some one who embraces just for our strengths and struggles. We need to honor our struggle by sharing it with someone who has earned the right to hear it...when We're looking for compassion, it's about connecting with the right person at the right time about the right issue. 

further down...on the same page.. about a person she told of her shame and fear.. Ashely wasn't uprooted and thrown into the storm created by my experience. She also wasn't so ridge that she snapped with judgment and blame. She didn't try to fix me or make me feel better; she just listened and had the courage to share some of her own vulnerabilities with me...

So what is this all about...this mornings readings and a few thoughts.. As I've mentioned before this is my time for introspective work...deep thinking on a level of new perspective. (which always happens around late fall early winter)

What I've gathered is it's good to know that I can be vulnerable and have moments of raw emotions that I, in past situation would reach for something to stop that emotion from escalating.. to not feel the real me...cause along with that came a roller coast of unstoppable stuff...fear, embarrassment, shame, etc. etc....and why is it not OK to feel this? I do know now that I'll make it through these feeling but when I was young I didn't know that..   It's a point that hurts and when it hurts we have been condition to fix it fast and not feel...Our parents have been there for us and helped us not feel and I have done the same thing to my children when the were younger...not so much now as they are young adults and need to be true to themselves and live their lives and make their mistakes and feel their joys..extra.   So where is the connection if there is any connection? 

What ever journey you're to be heading out on.. or setting out you are the person you will be taking with...your are the source that something will develop from, the beginning from. And finding the right people to share that with and be authentic and real isn't an easy job.  And most of the time you may feel alone and with little connections.   Knowing where you can find good roots or source for what you need to deal with life is lifelong journey too.

With reading the two books together...call it my dual or multi-task syndrome I have (old Gemini traits) I am a seeker and I've been always a seeker of my own truths and good orderly direction with my life.  Self knowledge, self discovery whatever it is...I'm on a more wholeheartedly spiritual creative path in life, be it the age and body changes mid life and where I would like to continue to go...don't know. So making the connection to this spot that we all have is in us, being vulnerable which means-open to hurt...we can start there...being real and knowing that we are human and we can get hurt by many things that come into our lives daily...but how does one handle the hurt and deal with it has been screwed up from the start...not allowing people to feel hurt...heck we can frequently feel and verbalize all other emotions but hurt.. just pure simple hurt...Oh that's not good...we need to fix that right now!!!  when in fact I've had the experience to say simple Yes I hurt right now and still function OK.... and with that I end up seeking a totally healthier way to deal with my hurts or vulnerabilities...by seeking guidance or good orderly direction, new attitude or a different perspective.   Though my life is nothing to compare to others right now that are really having hard times I do have my share of hurts.

So I may be getting to deep here but when you can make sense of you own thoughts and the whys where's and how comes then I feel you have a better understanding of what you would want out of life and more open to good direction and move forward and grow as a human being/ artists.  and one of the best quotes I've ever hard was from Julia Cameron in her first book.."if you want to work on your art then work on you life"  As for the word Art...that can be many things not just visual art hanging on the wall it can be you art of tending the house plants or the art of gardening...what holds true is when you are responsible for yourself and seeking your own happiest and deal with your own life's messy bits your are a full time creative person...

What happens if when you were born some shared with you that this is your life now and you will be on a creative pilgrimage and you would be given the willingness to be yourself and be authentic? Would you do it?  would you continue to seek a life like this?

Starting now is all we have...set out, commit to, and move graceful in your own vulnerable ways and seek a higher creative wholehearted life...again now is the time. You are the place to begin.