Doing the Work,

 

We can Heal, those areas that offer us again and again to look back to them understand better when there wasn't time to process through. 

Type fours of the enneagram have a passion for envy, no it’s true.

This is something that has plagued me all my life in some form or another. So, I ask to understand my difficulties in a way to grow and learn.

 

What is the true meaning of envy?
Envy is a mostly negative feeling of desire for something that someone else has and you do not. Envy is not a good feeling—it can be described as a mix of admiration and discontent. But it's not necessarily malicious. Envy is very similar in meaning to jealousy. 

In almost every case, envy arises when we are experiencing dissatisfaction in our own life.

What is envy but positive?

In what ways can envy be useful for human beings? If you feel envious, you are paying attention to the fact that you’re lagging in some realm that’s personally important to your sense of who you are and that might affect your standing in the community or affect your success at work. 

 

It’s a narcissistic behavior

 

How to get rid of envy?

Five ways to easy your envy

1.     Acknowledge envy

2.    Recognize that pride is just the flip side of the envy coin.

3.    Replace envy with compassion

4.    Let envy fuel self-improvement-when appropriate

5.    Don’t forget to count your own blessings.

 

Does envy ever go away?

No matter how hard you try to cover it with a smile, envy isn’t something that goes away on its own. It can spiral out of control into destructive jealousy and even depression.

 

Back to this statement, in almost every case, envy arises when we are experiencing dissatisfaction in our own life.

Example: My lot in life right now

1.     Mother-in-law living with me, other people don’t have that they have freedom to not be tied now with taking care of their MOTHER-IN-LAW.

2.    By having this responsibility I’m not able to work more and do more things about my career that I’ve built up over the years?  

3.    I’m stuck in the middle of Eldercare and New Grandbabies. I would much rather be just with the side of new grandbabies.

4.    Illusion is that I think by tending to her I’m not able to tend to my grandbabies needs because of her. 

I’m dissatisfied about this and in my mind, I think others don’t deal with this and I’m stuck in it, envious of others lives. (truth is I don’t know this for sure and they may be dealing with much worse.)  

 

Acceptances of this all or surrendering and other things in the past that I struggle with my own torment and shadowing my growth.  Now this morning I seek this as fuel for my own growth.  Studying about the dynamics of it all to better understand.  I know I don’t have the power to make drastic changes in a split second but over time awareness has step in and I pray.

 

What is the truth about this? This is where I’m digging in.   Somehow it has led to compassion of self and self-worth…. how is my self-worth. When I’m not doing my self-care and staying in my own boundaries and not trying to do more to make it better or fix, manage and control it, I’m calmer and more in balance….and Balance is what I also seek to feel better about myself and life.   

 

It’s a narcissistic behavior, latching on to this way of distorted thinking all my life…I would like to dial that back somewhat…. I pray for it to change; it is the ebb and flows; dare I say - its natural and challenging.  One day I pray that it just won’t matter anymore. 

 

 

On to my Self Worth…. Counter the thoughts with wholeness of heart. (Shine Card, inner compass) come into contact with your own inner light and the longing to determine how you want to position yourself and claim your space.  Share what motivates you. Reflect who you truly are. Dare to be vulnerable. You don’t need to be perfect. Your imperfections are your perfections; you will only be more powerful when you accept who you are right now in this moment. By shining your own authentic inner strength, you can really reflect light for yourself and others. Let each other shine!

 

I’m a yearning and longing soul….my daydreams and hopeful illusions, they have been my sidekick…how can I learn from them now? 

 

Envy

Longings

To Self-Worth

Compassion for myself first and for others.

 

Longings, to getting what I want, when I want it…I look at things that I want and then can’t have and keep longing for them and circling.  Creates a cycle of deep loss and envious emotion of what others can have and do have. I have memories from childhood about things like this.

Yearnings a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily.

Am I ready to change my attitude for the better?

Where am I dissatisfied in my life....? check into my own reality and what is possible even if its imperfect and half assed.  

At this point I'm real and human to have a mix of feels and deep emotions.  The care of a elder is taxing on wholeness of life.  There as been some special moments and there have been some, "wish we didn't have to deal with that again." moments. Being a human being is not a easy thing. One is bound to have spill over and moments of dissatisfaction. This is only eldercare side of things....not even the feels of the person being cared for.  The duality of emotions and the duality of life on so many levels is challenging.   

I'm going to leave this as it is and seek guidance from my Greater Spirit for the changes I'm able to make.  Fall is a time to be introspective and work the darkness of life, with in the richness of it's colors and feels, Allowing ourselves to flow through life with the guidance of water.  it's is the season to change the things I can.