To Expand, Ramble thoughts, Question, Begin again

I post this segment of my Scroll Roll because I'm about to teach this class, it's along one and how can I say it but trust me on this....it's going to be great.  And than I question, inner critic, "am I a lot to handle?"  I feel like there are times I'm not able to stop the creative spirit and I roll with it. 

Rambles of a deeper level. ( I do love to go here often.)  

It's come to my awareness, about life again, it doesn't matter what age we are we are always in the learning stage of life. And with this learning stage is our emotional balance if it all.  

I have friends that are aging with grace and other not but as an independent human being we were given each day and no instructions just others experiences as we move forward or our life's path.  Choices are a way to learn, some work and some don't, discernment. 

From Seneca, "As long as you live, keep learning how to live"  

I guess there was a time in my past that I felt and believed that I knew oh so well all that was going on and going to happen. Powers of invincibility.  As I greet each day now I'm seeing that I don't know at all very much.  I've heard that one saying, Aristotle famously wrote, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know.   and   Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher, once said, "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." This quote may seem paradoxical at first, but upon deeper reflection, it reveals a profound truth about the nature of knowledge and wisdom. 

Being in Eldercare of service I witness but I don't know when or how...just that it's not easy to slowly, ever so slowly move into being less and less on this planet and have to depend on others so greatly. 

As part of my make up I end up thinking or better put it feeling deeply and it brings upon a funky sadness or melancholy. It makes me seek why which opens a door to the pass and finding it's origins.  Wandering around in thoughts, emotions and "those feelings."  Ramblings of know thyself and move on and my word for the year has been expand, to grow. 

To grow there has been a need to always express in other ways that come from inside out.  Words, dance, cooking, teaching, create with my hands. Not all of these have been perfect, more so imperfect which allows for the whole parts of myself to stand clear and state my humanness. 

As I have been preparing for my surprise exhibit....didn't know about until about a month and a half ago, I've been rereading The Artist Way again. I slipped in a few artist dates here and there but nothing measurable. But I keep up the Morning Pages and reading the chapters with my side notes written all over the pages.  That as insightful as I've been doing the AW for many years and I document somethings and to see my growth as a fulltime human being in my life.  

As the season are upon us to change, I've picked up the It's never too late to begin again, AW for retirees and other creative souls.  I'm not retiring anytime soon but the feeling of beginning again has entered my spirit and creative soul.  I have to say I've been afraid to venture out after pulling in somewhat with Eldercare.  (don't mean to keep bring that up but it is what I deal with while living my life.) I can hold up on, "oh she might get worse and need me more."  But I was dying inside and though I was still showing up I truly needed to begin again.  I don't know how it's all going to work out my life now and all that I having to do but I'm walking this path to continue to learn and not know....being in uncertain can be scary but I would like it not to be.  Staying present and grounded in the simple things like creativity cooking, gardening, tending to yard and the inside of the house to walking into a home studio space and feeling joy.  Oh so long I've walked into this room and all my stuff, good stuff to do things with. Comfort out ways the uncertainty. 

At points the whole process of knowing thyself and not knowing, brings me back to a sense of deep learning.  "Time to study up woman!" And this whole thing of September and going back to school, think about it for 18 or so years we all geared up for that.  In some area's of the world this time of year is like a New Beginning.  Do you feel that?   

Ok Questions to ask, ponder, gather and expand on...but do remember we are part of the same cycle our planet is going through.  

What is the natural world up to right now? Preparing for the changes, gathering, pulling back in. 

How does it include me? awakens my sense with change in temperature, shorter daily, a knowing larger then thyself. Teaching about instincts, intuition and trust. 

How is it my mirror?  As I type out the above questions I am made aware of these changes in me and outside of me. The experience of life is in me just as it is for all the creatures.  Trusting on what I only know and using a natural born instinct.  

Sounds so dramatic right?  Or that I stepped on the crazy bus again....Neither I honestly would say.  Apart of my expanded year.