Morning Contemplation

Return to Earth

18 x 18

Collage on Wood Panel, 

As I look at this piece I'm brought back to the days of creating the papers for it and the ideas that just flowed from my soul.  Yes my soul, I do long for more days like that in the future. I know they will come but in different ways but they will come. 

 I woke up this morning, with a question....Should I keep up some teaching programs here locally? Some are going and some aren't that I've put out there for the beginning of the year.  Days of the week, time of day and is the fee affordable? you know profitable for me and the place I work under, you know everyone gets their cut.  They are big factors to making a choice to take a class I do understand.  In our economy now after Covid times so much has changed so fast....and how we have to work to just pay our bills has become the center of discussion along with our health care and taking care of our families needs. 

I've becoming a bit transparent these days, mainly out of care for self and reality check.  My Elder in law is declining fast in front of my eyes.  Just since November of last year and it's a bit scary to witness. Though she is still very able to do most things to care for her body its taking a great toll on her.  

So back to waking up this morning, this is what was all on my mind and why you might ask?  For a teaching art instructor I need to have my information available on any classes ready for the Summer now.   Yes, now because it's only January.  There are so many factors involved when you use a space for teaching that would fit nicely for all the needs involved to be creative and learn about art. These are the factors I've worked under for so very long. All to just start a class and you also need to get ready for the next one. Feels like a fast pace only to make sure the information gets out there in time with all involved in the market end of things.  Brochures, website, social media, etc.   

Along with changes, having a elder sitter in the home will allow me to continue to work, Not yet but is becoming something I might have to activate.  More responsibility on my shoulders so to say. I've done my foot work on this and have a dear person lined up for just this situation.  All new territory just like the whole last year...Gosh we here in the home are learning so much, the challenges and the rich needs all on the same plate I keep saying. 

After our granddaughter was born I personally went through some distorted thinking about everything on my plate. Art, homestead, eldercare, cooking, financial, healthcare needs being a new grandmother-Baba, and my job of 30 years that I truly love. Oh the thousand roles I play in one day...shuffling them, letting go of others long enough to adjust and then try to slip it all back in.  I do have to say that I'm drained and feeling heavy most days.  

Contemplating the next move, seeking the guidance of what to do.  My heart is being tugged as I witness the struggles in declined abilities and the new abilities of the new little life. I don't feel that I'm being pushed or I've done something wrong.   The inner pain is great, never done this kind of living before so experience is a teacher in motion now.  Oh wait haven't I?  I raised four children into adulthood. No this is all so different, add the Husband in there with two different jobs and all his changes he's personal had to make.   

Our spirits seem to be tested every couple of days. And this could be like everyone else too. I don't know only because we have been so distracted by the many jobs we have been doing getting out and about with others our age is rare or even just ourselves.  Oh Pour Us...no that's not what I'm sharing. 

I know there are lots worse situation human beings are going through and there may not be solutions but not right away as we want them...but they do come when we need them.  With the full moon and it's effect us now the release of words and thoughts is healing for me right now.  Kind of like laying the cards on the table.  Spill your beans gal and then pick up the most important and let go of the rest for now.  

As I continue to type these words out there is a comfort and a safe feeling that is wrapping around me.  My heart is open and will feel deeply.  Compassion is an answers and also taking care of myself. When I teach a class, I some how let the students know most of the time I'm there learning from them too.  I see how they comprehend what I'm teaching and where they take it from there. The encouragement, the support to fail forward and to go to far in the exploration to know how far not to go the next time.  These are the experience I've learned for kindred spirits and my elders too. 

So I've already wrote out a description for one place I'm teaching at for the later summer and will be praying and seeking some guidance for the other.  With the heart space open for the Granddaughter and Gardening.