Word Rambles...

 

As Artist we have many ways we can make things, create things and share things.  The down side of this is always having to look like you got your Things together.  Projected out to the world, no one what's to show their messy things...that's not good publicity.   

Every time I get a dash of openness- vulnerable comes about and the need to share some real things going on...people unsubscribe from the blog. I'm aware and it is reactive to what I put on the blog.   It's hard to read, someone else messy things. Might it be we think of our own or we just are sick of this artists writing about their lows...

Words, music, dance, art, singing, cooking, sewing, gardening, building, etc., are ways we can be more human and express our individual sense of things. 

Though the struggle with words, saying them, writing them and understanding the meaning are an area that I've had a love/hate relationship...it hasn't stopped me from doing it.  

So I open my door to a statement, Who am I? I hear its a good personal inventory to do. 

I am an aged Woman.  I don't dye my hair, and on some days I've really got the wisdom-gray hair rising up and out. I use to dye my hair when I was young in high school.  That was a time I was trying on many hats and skirts. Trying to be someone, because I wasn't sure how I was.  What I found out was I didn't want to be a slave to the dying process...let it go and the more I'm in the sun the more my hair lighten ups. Back to who am I,  I have bags under my eyes...had dark circle for most of my life but now there is some puffiness to them.  Not happy about it, I like to sleep on my side and belly I hear not a good thing...but sleep is important.  

The aged part is something that one slowly accepts and grieves about.   Being an aged woman means to me a reality and the passing through the change and now on the other side, a freedom of and an acceptance again that the part of your life has past, a grieving if you will.  

Reflecting or Listening finally to myself.   Children have left the nest, a lost of two father this past year and most recently a lost of a four legged companion.   As one ages we hear and feels this most real feeling of loss, grief.  The life we had last year in January is not the life we have now this January.  It's made me grow when I didn't want to and experience stuff that was hard and hurt.  These experience also are mine to complete a stronger realization of  the presence of being full of life. Learning to be grateful each moment in the present. 

All this above...that stuff being written about an aged woman is amazing now to look at as a life lived, not adventures as some but a life I have lived. My life, and how I've made it through many things, resilient, and  still standing and most days grounded in the mundane and simple things.  I do love the whole Home thing...being in it, tending to it and loving all in it. 

To make something of yourself is another part of the age woman that I am.  This spills out in my creative life, the stuff that calls to come out and be made.  Knowing I'm part of a long line of creative makers means I am carrying on something special.  As I see in my grown children. 

Enough hiding, the longing to keep understand and knowing self is what I also make. Learning that this is a ongoing journey is grand.   Might I be a overly sensitive to things...sure but in a ways of wonder, delight and simplicity and with much gratitude.  

I have more statement answers to this Who Am I and will be working through them as personal growth this year. 

Can you Ask yourself this Questions, Who am I and what do you hear?  Are you listening to that knowing inner voice?