Mother's empty nest

It's early, starting to rain on this Sunday Morning. 

I've done my morning pages and the thoughts and rolls of mother, my mother, my step mother and my mother in law along with Mother Earth were all present on the pages. 

Why?  

You see My Oldest moved out, Yes she is 35 and has wanted to move out a very long time...My second daughter and youngest daughter moved out a years and a half ago or was it two? And My son in waiting to hear about his house,  his bid was accepted...So for both my husband and I we will be alone soon. Empty Nester's is what they call it right?  

The Children are all older in late twenty's and early thirty's...so we have had them near us longer than most.  Though I've heard they should have left long ago by my step mother.  Life has been different for each generation of children. I personal left the house at 18, That's 41 years ago.  I didn't go to college and went right into retails hardware sales and cashiering. Our children we couldn't give them a college fund they had to take the loan route and the oldest just paid her debt off,( that is way they stayed so long) others are going for more education and degrees.   So when your in school you don't have to pay on your college debt so they moved out and are on their own able to swing it.  It will be different for their children too.  All I know it was a better choice for them and us that they did it the way they did. 

The feelings tugging at my heart are not for loss, but for the natural process happening. It's not easy this motherhood thing.   I've been able to work out of the home, be physical present for their needs, maybe not always mentally. Heck I know that was a struggle I could barely be mentally there for myself. Yes I'm a homebody and proud of it...but the moments are real.  The witnessing of their growth is astonishing when they leave the home.  Our communication is better...so when my son leaves I hold hope that changes...I know it's hard on him living at home when he want to have his own life. 

This year has been about really letting the heart feel. Allowing all this stuff to be at the surface for what it is and feeling it.  I hang out with elders and those that have walked this path and many others that have been through stuff like this, so I have these women to be grateful for. 

And working with the North of the Medicine Wheel, ancestor, elders, the earth element and the buffalo has me thinking about my life in a different way.  The lonely feelings always and again natural through out my life that I turned to nature, mother earth for comfort, direction and belonging. Only now do I see the meaning and purpose of that. 

The gratitude for all those before me and all those to come is really fresh.  it's all natural the life cycle stuff. To be able to feel the range of emotion this year has me in awe.  Dramatic, traumatic and just raw sometimes.  I've been very fortune to have a dear elder that I've had her support and dumped a whole lot of my heart tugging hurt on and she gets it.  Non judgement on the most part for me it's all one needs. To be Heard.  

At an early age I turned to nature and in the times of quiet of the being outside close to mother earth I was able to make my own choices, not always the best but that allow me to grow and find my own footing and balance. Follow most of the house rules growing up but what I mean is I was able to have my own dreams and see them play out over the years and not be forced to have others ways.  Though still following a inner compass of good morals and values. What a blessing.  The inner learning of childhood that was instilled in me by my mom and dad.  We are lucking to see this in our own adult children.  Well, it is still a life process and I want to say as it should be.  Taking the life you have and looking at the abundance you have been through despite the challenges.  I know this is hard to stay in the perspective but I sure would like to.  

Rambles...to those that read or listen to my blog.  

What does Brene Brown say...lean into it. And I'm looking at the future with out force, as I share in another blog writing I'm done with forcing things out...baby years are done...and the beauty is we, my husband I haven't force out adult children out.  It's not easy to live alone, we had each other and these days to find a good mate is hard and than live with them.  So as I write about the process of motherhood, elders-hood and the empty nest.  I have a good base that has been laid out for me to turn to a life process. I'm curious to see how my artwork is going to be effect by this. It is an extension of my life the art that I make. 

The independence from my youth has been a blessing...the risks to move forward on many dreams, ideas and watch them be born, or give birth to them...I should be an expert right.   Or the Realistic Acceptance of the process of giving birth to many things, the ability to do that is a woman things and a human thing. and to do the letting go...it's not let die....though it feels that way...its Letting go~  

Raising a family of four children, the last two twins,  what a challenge and I had the help of my mother in law to steal away the older ones while I could take care of the twins and the many vacation trips they went on with my in law...that was a lot too handle and do...giving gesture for sure.  I honestly wasn't sure I could to it...be a mom and raise a family...the support and those that weren't even my family I watched and listened to see how they did it.  Grabbing bits and piece all over the place and giving it a try...but the strong natural pull to be close to mother earth and do things with the kids outside that didn't cost a lot of money. I witness them turn to it often. 

I'll end this heart wordy ramble from a section of The Way of the Medicine Wheel. 

    Our Mother Earth provides the water we drink, the air we breathe, our shelter, nourishment, and she         nurtures and supports us so remember if you are feeling alone, that it's actually impossible to be as         she is always there just below your feet.  

Turn to a walk in nature, spend some time with your bare feet touching the surface of her back.   

Stop....Breath in, and arrive in gratitude.   

What do you have to share about the whole mothering, mothers, elders and empty nests...

I would love to hear.  It's real and we learn from those that have walked before us...