Dear Universe

Help is on the Way, 

Good morning, 

Again this word has made itself present...Melancholy...I spell it wrong all the time.  I had a friend ask me to journal about and see what comes of it.  (give me an assignment and I'm like a dog with only a bone.) 

Melancholy-A feeling of Pensive sadness typically without obvious cause. 

Pensive-Engaged In, Involving or reflecting deep or serious thought. 

And then you stumble upon something..Feeling Melancholy video.

I ask myself before watching it, do I walk around in sadness?  Do I not know this? Is there a problem with me?   

There are times when I wish someone would tell me what's wrong with me so that I can fix it...and I can check it off my list.  Knowing and Accepting part of my personality I know has this melancholy in it.   I put on a good face most of the time...It's like a rise and fall, a tide in and tide out...a natural occurrence within me. 

The profound sadness is about living life, feeling it and going on. As a human being it's hard to put a buffer up and stop sadness...Get my super shield out so that I'm protected but that can't happen.  It's natural, things in life letting go.  Sometimes we Isolate and stay away thinking it will save ourselves from feeling it.  What kind of life is that?   Now in our pandemic, there is no question about the sadness and the limits...hard to divide it. 

Am I making sense about this...the negative parts of the melancholy are sad, depressed etc...but I'm also seeing a balance with that.  I carry it around,  melancholy and then I bring it to prayer and seek what to do with it...."this hurts kind of prayer" most of the time it's nothing, do nothing let it pass...Other times I'm inspired to by turning it into make something with my hands, get my hands involved in some kind of productive process.  Making something to give, Making something to sell, Making something to feed, Making something of beauty.  sadness to joy....it brings me to tears...the tears of something larger than self.  Mornings are always my time to be open and vulnerable...to be the most real and resilient. 

What do you think about this...melancholy time and of self?