Entering into the Holiday Season and Healing

Not sure how others work through the holidays but the past couple of years we have picked names and set limits on the gift giving amount for family members which has lifted a stressor off the shoulders for many of us.   We can be grateful for that...

Thanksgiving is coming and the gathering of relative over a hearty food feast is amazing and we see each other and feel the warmth and special family bonds.

Besides the Holiday Normalities there are the pass life stuff that seems to rob some of us of our present moments.   This is where healing past traumas comes in.  Recently I had a bit of trigger that popped up. 

Though it was all good, I had many household moves in my young life...made friends and then had move again and again.  Little did I know I would have a hard time accepting the change and letting go, how could a little child understand this....My mother is something but there was a whole lot of yelling that went on from her when we, my sister and I where young to. My mom was very young when she had me, 16...barely grown herself playing dolls so to say.  Years passed, then parents decide to not be married anymore....another traumatic thing...I  behaved like it's no big things shut off outside feelings and let the inner ones fester....then they settled like mud in a glass of water, time passes and till something triggers it, stirs it up.  I'm flaring back up with pass feelings that are robbing of the present day.    Therapy sure could do that...but I'm a program person and realizing behaviors in myself looking back like this and not staring is a continual practices and recently I had a loved one tell me I just don't know how to let go of stuff.  I have to admit that it hurt to hear that.   So much so I had to leave the room and went to the studio and started sewing my little leaves for my green/blue violin....Old way of dealing with life was go draw, color or make something.   Which out of this all has been a good skill to help one process through stuff....

Processing things takes me a long, long time I admitted to myself and that there is some truth to the statement made.  I felt as though I had falling into the victim role and Oh poor me always having things taken away from you... Awareness and awakening...if this is all that has happened to me and I've allowed it to fester like this... Thank the Greater Spirit.   Because their are those that have had so much worse happen to them...

It makes me feel silly but it's also some natural flaws that I'm am connecting to and trying to understand and accept so yes I can let go...

I'm like a dog with a bone....not dropping that thing for nothing.

Healing doesn't mean it never happened;  healing means it no longer controls your life.

Trauma is the response to a deeply disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences.

Trauma can be caused by a "major" event i.e. war, rape, accident or "minor" event that is repeated, long-term, constant, etc. which is where I think alcoholism, dysfunctional household fits.

If your wound does not heal, you will continue to bleed all over those who did not cause it.

this an elder shared with me awhile back... 

I don't want to bleed all over....

I'm coming to realizes that my longed-for healing takes place in the living.  I don't get well first and then start to mend. To become whole person, I need to live now, take part, and become involved with others.  Sometimes I can do this just a little at a time.  Until I can do more, I'm nurturing a willingness in me to become more open-minded to my life and the people in it. 

Healing is a process that will continue the rest of my life. I know how unhealthy I've been, yet I also know that my recovery has begun. My participation in everyday, ordinary life is a small but firm step away from the pain of isolation and toward a life of loving involvement.  

These words are from a mediation book I read daily...the messages are out there to keep learning who to live life on life's terms.  So Grateful