Rambling Rawness

Exhaled Expression, 8 x 14 collage on watercolor paper, Materials, Goodwill find of some handmade papers, box lid, painted drawing paper, acrylics, water soluble Neo II crayon, lyra graphite crayon, polymer and glazing mediums, sewing machine and hand stitching....going primitive...back to the crayons of my youth...feels so good.

I thought I was holding it together pretty good....but I lost it big time. Not proud if it but after losing my whole folder full of the possibility of a second on line class and the fact that I've not really been focusing on the art career and just not caring I knew I need to get to the studio.

If you can see the dark thick lines in the background of this piece....you can tell where I was. Frustrated...and hurting...dare I label the emotions. You betcha...got to know it and call it by it's name.

I then pulled out my sewing machine and just wanted to sew papers together.  I had a drying rack full of paper left over all coated from when I got back from the workshop at Crystal Neubauers at The Healing House Art Studio back in October, I think it was?  Any ways I grabbed all this hand made papers from hanging note pad thingy I found at the Goodwill and started sewing...The papers all rectangle shapes I just started placing down next to each other, sewing across and around no rhyme or reason...More like a maniac.

Totally creating from a place of the emotional edge and or like a tire blow out.  I know extreme but it was, I haven't had this happen in a long time...I remember seeing a video of the singer song writer Pink talk about where she gets the really good stuff to write and sing about  in her music. It's from places like this. The deeper emotional moments.  Though not the prettiest place to be or one that we would like to admit we go to sometimes, reality is...I was there. Thankful to say Was....

My computer is all working smoothly now and The Husband is the Man...incredible with his skills. We were planning on giving it-my laptop a new hard drive if that didn't fix the problems it was having then it would be a new computer/laptop...I really have a hard time spending that amount money so with his time and skills...I don't have to spend that or go that route.  "he's the Man"

Aftermath of change and learning new things and the time I spend so far at the computer writing....(weak link in my humanness make up)  and not getting into the studio like I was...had me standing at the ledge of a emotional crash....All the "Call for Artists" too coming in and my own personal exhibits I'm not getting ready for....so feeling this and knowing it was coming I ran up stairs and started on this piece above.

My husband, dear soul came to see how I was doing and I babble some randomness and just kept saying like a young child, " I just need to be here to create something," " Just let me be here for a while."  "Let me be Here."  I said, "do you know what it feels like when you have to go take a motorcycle ride and you know if you don't your going snap?"  and he understood.   And decided to go and do just that and get some new lighting to hang around the house and get new smoke detectors combo's with the CO detectors..he said, " he has a funny feeling..." What a combo of wildness that now has calmed to a very manageable state.  And I didn't eat funny processed foods or drug or drink a thing...?

I brought it the surface of the paper....without having do for something or show it was pure expression of exhaled emotion I couldn't take any more...I had to exhale....let it out...

I question the black color, why I seem to be drawn to use that and the red, white, yellow and gray?
I know the red is for the life force,  and I do love the way it brings life to what I'm expressing. The Black is about power...honoring it, the power of this life force in all of us and the living things on this planet.
Yellow is for growth, from the sun and our youth... and the white stands for the wisdom through all of this we know now that Gray matters...Ramblings Rawness...