Sorting and holding fort

 

Unfinished collage on panel board 24 x 24

It was one of those days....you know when you want to be by yourself and your not fit for the world.  Or it might be if I ventured out you know you shouldn't have. I trusted my gut on that one learned too many times when I feel that way best to stay at home.  I went crazy on breakfast it tasted so good, and smelled so good. Maybe I over ate and feeling badly about that, whatever it was time to go to the studio feeling came over me(time to go hide out, alone time) and it's been a long time since I just went and did art for heck of it... 

I've been wanting to work on a series with the horses and their not turning out like I would like them.( Then again maybe it is?)  As usually it's something I do and work through them or dump them, and move on.  I felt a block, that's right a true to life Artist block coming up after cleaning the studio and getting rid of a heck of a whole lot of things...I than Questioned.. now what are you going to do?  Should you keep going?  Do you want to exhibit at art fairs anymore? should you purchase some new display panels to make it easier on yourself?  Should you gear up for on line sales?  As I write this out I see why I was feeling blocked.  Needing answers and sitting in uncertainty...on the pity pot.

Well I remember I had a coated panel board-ready to go just before the Red Dot Studio Flip event because I was going to create on it...what ?  I didn't know... but something with a horse on it.  I remember that darn series,  is what I wanted to do.  I pulled out my images and stencils and all that I was preparing and fumbled and grumbled and mumbled away....really whining is what was going on.

Had to have a pep talk with myself.   I have this clean room and paper and a panel board..."Just tack something on it already, will ya?"   and so I pulled out a hanger from my clothing rack that I store the larger papers on and went with what papers where on there.   I realized I just want to work bigger and do a journal entry.  Just like I do with the other pieces I create.(tack down Tuesday series)   Cutting right down to it, I never know what I'm going to create I just start tacking papers down and then it comes. 

This piece is not finished some changes have been made since I took the photo last night already...I realized I was wander around on the internet again and comparing my work against what everyone else is doing.     Well it will block me every time.  it make me feel less then and not a good place to be...it's about being whole and at peace....and I can't find that in the internet look at others when I need to be creating my works,  things that call to come to the surface.  Reality Slap for me...

I'm also at a cross roads as of what direction to go in...should I buy roll up display panels to make life easier for myself or should I not.  So sitting in that uncertainty for the last few weeks has me edgy too. Not a place I like to sit in, as of uncertainty... I'm a take charge/control freak....I like to know and do and be done with it kind of gal...bust a move on it and I'm observing this uncertainty a bit longer...which is new and me trying to hear my gut let me know what direction to go with...Once I'm set up at an Art Fair it's cool, but the set up is killing me physically as of my back's got a spot that yells out so waiting for insight/ gut talking/ intuition kind of stuff to happen.. Rambling I know....a way to sort and fort around...

Fort-to maintain the existing state of affairs.

Personal comment...when I'm creating piece like these, there's a love of the paper and what's on the surface that is so hard to see...When coating with the polymer medium I don't always cover it perfectly...then what is perfectly/evenly...I end up adding the glazing and shadowing and there is mystery of the surface that continually changes and that's the part I really connect with. Each piece of paper is speaking out...so to say...crazy I know but when I'm in the studio this is what a moment comes to for me.