Sunday, August 11, 2019

On Transformation and Healing..

Yesterday I sat down on the back patio and witness a Monarch butterfly laying eggs under the leaves of a milkweed plant in my flower circle.  I never see that happen before. The problem came in when I seen the aphids loaded on the milkweed No milkweed bugs to eat them on this plant. My thoughts were that the butterfly does what the butterfly needs to do and that's lay the eggs and life takes its course afterwards...but the symbolism of the butterfly has me interested in the meaning and what it might mean for me these days. 

Over the past year change has come upon our household, I had once thought it was the worst thing and then I held on and seen that it was meant to be...but with this changes I when personal through major anxiety, I had help with spiritual friends and my 12 step program but it still put a toll on my body.   Our new rescue of 1 1/2 years old blow her knee out and well finance because of the household change were good so we opted to do a therapy with her..which involved major walking. I so enjoyed walking with her-Gracie.  Hank walked with me on the second go around.  With the extra walking I has a flare up my corn on my second little toe from the pinky toe.  It made me walk I would avoid pain.  I've since removed the corn but with the walking of a bloodhound...(puller) Lab, I've had to counter the pull and I think I warn my right knee out.. A good four months of toying around. I do have an appointment with the knee doctor. I'm not a doctor person. My fear is they will tell me so many other things are worry and then I'm off in my anxiety trap.  

So I had a good day and went to far...paying for it today. (knee was feeling better with doing yoga but thought I was superwoman again) 

 I need to do some maintenance work around the yard.  Something about a woman and her place, her home right?  Well the Hollyhocks were dried up and looking pretty sad.  I cut them down and cut them smaller to put in the burn pit and before I did that I gathered some in a jar to spread later. Last year I spread some across the field and wouldn't you know it they are growing this year.  The bees, hummers and butterflies all enjoy them.

 Along with the gathering of dried growth I have yucca plants that needed to be cleaned up under then with all the dead leave from years past.

 Here is a bundle I gathered and tied with some jute to completely dry out, reflecting on the times of papermaking in the past outside, listening to the water drip as I pull a sheet out of the vat. 

Along with the yucca the day lilies had the same thing going on...their done blooming and soon I'll have more leaves to harvest but I decided to gather some now...was in process and thought might as well do it. 

I had hopes this year of pulling out one of my tents to get back into paper making and well with life as it has been I've not be able to do that and with my knee now holding back some heavy lifting etc. I've just gathered. The gathering was so grounding as working in the yard.  I help be reconnect to the whole awareness of "we are all connected".   I was gathering and thinking of the process of cutting them up, then rehydrating them and then cooking the leaves up to get all the plants sugars out that would make them decompose and then be left with the plant fiber to make into paper.  I was graced with the whole process as was stripping the bark from the branches of the mulberry bushes I had to cut back from some of my neighbors overhang into my yard. 

Brown lunch bag, when I scrap the outer skin of the branch off it is thin long fibers that I learned was used by the Native people to sew with, like sineu.   I got smart this time an cut the piece up into smaller piece...I do need lots of this to make any kind of the time I cook it down I would maybe have enough to make a 4 x 6 inch sheet of paper. 

I could help myself though harvest the dried and reuse the plant product like this. The acceptance might be that this will have to sit till next year.  I had hopes as I share before to be doing this now. 

Something I read this morning out of the handful of meditation books I read..." When you know that this pain is part of the healing process, it is easier to release yourself from the chains of victimhood." 
Oh poor me, my knee is messed up and I can't do what I want to do, when I want to do it.! Mad, angry and life is changing. I could say and project that this is it take me out in the back pasture and let me go... but I could also stop and see how I can go deeper with this whole pain, not being mobile. I've already have being the observation of life happening around me. Just now as I type this out I'm witness as I look out the window a morning dove on the electrical line opening up it's wings to have them be washed with the rain water coming down.  I've only seen this with my daughter's Cocktail. 
To allow the butterfly's essence to guide me through the healing. Because that's what I'm going to have to be doing soon enough. Say yes to this healing process. Accepting that this where I am now and to slow down and really observe again, be part of what is now. And now is me having to accept that I can't go for walks in the woods like I would like now, I can't walk my dogs at this time and I have to move slower as my balance is off and carrying heavy things adds more stress to the knee.  As I accept my lot right's allowing me to let go and be present to life that I was rushing by.  Taking something that has changed or happen to you and finding the pluses isn't a natural course by connecting in my yard and life this is way has given me a path. 

So words of wisdom from the Butterfly, Lightness of being and elevation from the heaviness of tension. Bring joy and bliss into our lives. Bring in ease and lightness to the process of personal transformation. The female Monarch was laying her eggs..what does this stage of the process have you looking at in your life. Each stage of the butterfly has great meaning.  The color orange brings in a sense of aliveness,  part of my words for the year, Live and Alive.  And the Monarch has us alter one's own awareness.  

Getting some clarity. As I accept my lot and seek help from professional which I'm not use to and trusting in the flow of the Universe, the Greater Spirit. 

Go through change with Grace and Light. 

I remember how the moth guided me through the darker part of the last was such a good message. 

Message from a meditation book...."There are times when I  have to hurt through a situation and when this happens, the choice is not whether to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am hurting."

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