Friday, March 21, 2014

Trusting In the process

Yesterdays pieces....then I went back into it...

 I wandered the house last night, right about dinner time...had some left overs so there was no need to cook...I wasn't feeling good about the first Stacking Rock piece. Which in process named itself, " Waters Edge,"
 Though it's great practice it's hard to work with a limited palette...I love all these colors...grey, black, white and the soft blue...then when using them together it's hard...Plus trusting in this whole idea of bringing it forward and doing it....
Yesterday in my Horoscope-Gemini,  it suggested that I see this done, (what ever project I might be working on, "I'm to picture done")   Oh to let the mind wander and imagine....could be a deadly spot to tread water around for me sometimes....
I showed up and just did it....and when I looked at it again I seen that I needed some drama on the surface. I had an area that was bothering me and well that's when the royal blue lines came in to play. They were stronger all the way across, I sprayed fixative on it but when I came back in later to wipe something else off the started to come of...and then I thought well maybe this is what it's calling it.

Hard to see them in the piece now with the glare of the polymer layer...  I want to say I like it....and then the Inner critic steps in and says...this is shit...I'm shit....and then I doubt and questions...(sorry for the language...but it's what the mind was trying to get the heart to believe) If I'm not aware of this process some times I start to believe the bull **** that goes on in the head.  

So after some time last night I wandered again in my mind and around the house...looking to get into trouble...asked the Husband if he wanted to go to Costco?  some kind of trouble for us is spending to much money on large quantity of food that we really don't need to eat all in one week. (grateful that's all the trouble we get into)  

So as we both wandered on... what to do for the evening...I knew I need to make some more blue paper for the sky and water of the other pieces...I faced that reality and went back up to the studio...yes face the piece I made before...and the inner critic was trying hard to get me to think one way and I'm trying to trust in the process... ( the torment one goes through...or is it just me?) So I made the paper...stained tissue papers blue, I know there not the same color as the ones I used....something else to go with the flow on and while I was there I had a small piece of the other blue paper left from the other piece and then I applied it to the substrate I had ready and before you knew it I'd made a small one...This one is called Burned in Embarrassment. The book pages that are under the other papers you can faintly see thought them and that's where the title of this piece came from.

When I go and really physically make a marker on the waters edge I seem to be trusting in the process there of stacking this rocks and hoping the ones I pick will stay steady and last for a short time for me to step back and look at it...but while I'm stacking I'm also thinking about what is going on in my life at the moment....and like a prayer saying it in the process of stacking and letting it go for the elements to tend to after I walk others that knock it down or the waves that come.

As I share this process this morning I realizing I have a very good life and that my troubles seem to start with distorted thinking and when I do my morning pages and write though that crap and get to the part where I can trust in the process of the day and what is already happening in the present moment like bills paid, job opportunities coming, healthy children, happy four legged friends and soon to be a yard calling for some tending to....I realize I'm one the other side of this all...Ramblings again....muttling through and learning about life too in the process.   If I didn't have a way to express myself...I know for sure I would be in white jacket and bouncing off grateful.... and so happy I can keep my drama on and pages and stay out of trouble...


  1. So cool! Thanks for your honesty in your writing!

    1. Your to start with yourself first.

  2. Great to hear you working through the petty stuff finding what's really important.


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