Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Growth and connection with understanding.

Don't know how to put this but to say it straight up... I'm really so grateful that I'm able to do what I do and be where I'm doing it all even though I'm all over the place trying to do.Making sense?  Well just stop that some would say. I'm not complaining at all. Though I let out a few stresses now and then.. it's more in lack of faith.  It's OK to be a bit afraid it can be the key or driving force for the day as of helping me be alert, aware and ready to put my best game face on.

(A little side note or a ADD moment,  for myself....I need to get Grass seed..some for shade and some for our Hank-the great dane, a.k.a The House Pony..has rototiller paws and just tears things up when he runs around.need to repair tent bracket bars and get other papermaking tent up but will way for this weeks rain to pass.)

There seems to be a difference with fear verses being afraid...My new mantra and all my students know this now is "Afraid?...Well do it afraid."  Fear is a freezing feeling and Afraid is about adventure..turning around the way you see things or trying to come at from a different angle can give new growth to the whole situation.  Changing the way you think has been known for so long but do we really put it in motion? Action? and really do it? 

That's way being able to do my art in a homestead full of young adults, many four legged, winged and finned ones is so awesome.  Yes a good 85% of the time I looking a bit crazed, like I'm a scrambling for something. Mind you just my suit I wear.   I really don't go for the big 5 year plan, yes that's a business Manly way of thinking...I'm taking the fear, and putting it in some kind of belief system, spiritual or faith and knowing that theirs a plan and as long as I look up....and put up... more things will be revealed. I have put my trust in that and it's not failed me.

That need to know and have it all planned out measured to a tea is hog wash...right? Changes... life happens...Well I know I do like to have a grip on things as of the secret or tip about what's to come. But when I put my push-mind on it and need to know kind of attitude-playing God,  it gets all muddled up.

So as I ramble about thoughts and try to paste them together and make a kind of sense of things.   I'm going to be afraid and I'm going to look up for some guidance and then I'm going to show up with the best that I can be and then let it happen the way it meant to be. Let it flow and so it goes...

I think that is why I say yes to things that I've not done before because I like that sense of Afraid/adventure..the pioneer feeling  or stepping out into the great unknown- Taking a risk...there's something that is exciting about it...Now I'm not a bungee jumper or anything but I do like to say yes to things with out really thinking them all way this is different from saying yes to volunteering my life away back when my children where in elementary school..its about saying yes to things that I can still learn from and grow with and inspire me. As I slip in "Dare Greatly mind set"

Rambling a bit this morning  I I've also needed to have a good space to do all this growth in and in order to do that it means I have to pass or say no to other things...  Just trusting when I pass something up that there will be other opportunities around the corner and that one doesn't have to do everything in the line of "Artist and Career Life,"  coming back to Home base or the Homestead life, walking in the woods is my grounding and what I love the most. And being able to work from and out of my home is the blessing. Sorting what is best for my future when you have know Idea what and were I'm going is a tough spot to be in the Uncertainty...a place of being vulnerable.  Darn it...It's call being

What can I say but from experience, I've come to a spot or resting place were I know what I'm doing as a human being is fulfilling and at any time it could go I stop it? No I've tried but that's when I get a phone call or an email that ask me to continue what I've been doing.  When stuff like this happens I'm stunned..really not joke stunned but I believe why and know that I'm to go on and to continue.

So with so much gratitude I'm able to continue teaching and presenting workshop and digging in my yard, cook plants to make into paper, and to walk my dogs and to love my family..

Why am I...I am to connect and continue a long line of other creative women in this world doing exactly as I am.
Who am I.. A simple minded creative woman with a good solid family that is loved.
Where am I segments and moments in an uncertain, vulnerable life that has provided evidence that it will all work out.  Grow and do it afraid it just means you're alive..

Thankful I'm alive and can bare witness to all that is in front of me.


  1. I really like that you acknowledge that you are sometimes afraid but know that you have to work through it. And life really does become more of an adventure when you say 'yes' to things. I think it's so important that we, as artists and as people, are not operating from a place of fear. Fear can bind us and keep us from doing the work that is inside of us.

  2. Hard thing not to do is be starting from from the Faith perspective in my book.

  3. Just read and it mentions that in many cases if we waited until we weren't afraid, nothing would happen. True!
    Faith is great to have, if only it were easier to get sometimes...

  4. Thank RoByn...great article to read.. we need to stay motivated to keep going forward.


Thank you for stopping by and viewing my collage chatter, many creative blessings and peace to you and yours