The things in life for me that hold me back are the things I had no idea how to handle when I was younger, they now seem to be right in my front pocket. And there not events or things that are terrible, they are self inflicted things as of judgement, comparing and low self worth or low esteem. Crazy I know or what are you thinking of Laura. But as I'm to embarking on having a group of women over to my home, which has me squirming I'm brought back to the childhood of not being like others when I couldn't read and being made fun of....or my writing etc wasn't like everyone else or I couldn't comprehend it as fast as other...how do you really deal with that stuff when your young one and are in such a state of learning...and wanting to learn and felt that you were getting slapped down at every turn.
I turned to solitude, drawing, art and creative sandbox play along with adventure seeking in the woods..
Back to now today this morning this moment. I've survived all that as of I got through it and now I'm reliving the feelings for a different situation but has triggers the same area of the emotional heart. a section that was so very vulnerable when I was young. I've done my writing in my journal, sat with myself and then I turned and looked at this piece of art hanging in my kitchen I did and I was quickly reminded of who I am and why I'm here and what I'm to be doing. Who would have know create a piece of artwork that was to be a self portrait of myself when I'm 87 would inspire me at moments when I felt in a low. And the low spot is from a place that the good orderly direction isn't...Ups and downs, tides in tides out, confidence and lack of it all go hand in hand with life and being a human being..swaying from one side to the other but still follow a good path.
Now to get busy with the mundane tasks of preparing for my art marketing artist group to come tonight. I'm going in Vulnerable and come out Courageous. Each of us has to Do it Afraid...and then we trust and understand that experience do pass and we look on for the next that will help us grow and become our chosen potential. I'm good and filled now...filled with an awe like no other. Just shared an intimate moment with you all.