Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Moving forward in restlessness and insecutiy-part B

Julia shares....I knew I would fall. I knew I would fall. I know it was all danger all failure. In short I compared myself to my gifted friend.

At the root  of comparison is something a little nastier: insecurity.  Instead of saying " I wish I were better than I am," we say, " I wish I were as good as He is" In one fell swoop we negate our work and our originality...' and it happens that quickly sometime to me...messed up or just being human and trying to walk a path of creativity, compassion and with the spirit.. No tow players play alike, and there is that word, Play.  As artists, we do better focused on the play of learning than on the work of getting ahead. Centered on the our own creative trajectory, each small gain is an encouragement. 

This will sound crazy but artists need other artists and people..heck we all do we are social creatures but when for some reason we keep beating our heads against a wall with a group or people and start questioning of we are doing it right the comparison thoughts might creep in and before I know it I'm hooked on for a ride of my life...Like a bad drug...I'm hooked and spiral down...Knowing this about myself it way I tend to do the loner thing and focus on my own inner needs to express an idea instead of listening to others as of what they think is best for a career directions...

When we compete and compare instead of strive to emulate and empathize with other artists, we greet their skills with hostility and our own lesser with dismay. When we embrace the idea hat all artists at all levels are still learning, still struggling, still evolving, growing and grappling with their craft simply at a different altitude, we are encouraged by anothers mastery to know: It can be done."

Wow...don't know if I'm getting this but it's stirring a pot inside of me...I can't say enough about all the great career coaching out there that you should do and need to do..blah...blah...blah... which on some levels is true...but because I'm realizing I've a got a this hidden competitiveness going on in me I have to watch all this stuff...or I go to the other side...and may not return. trying to keep the balance in my life...   This is stirring up some good advise we each have to do the foot work and walking and talking and find our own areas or audience...and when I'm truer to is when I'm feeling less insecure. I know crazy thinking...but it's me that's walking around with me inside lately and trying to make some sense of this whole life/art/life/spirit thing... here goes another good part...self judging

As artists, most of us contain a highly evolved and sharp-clawed inner perfectionist. this perfectionist has nothing to do with having standards and everything to do with self-punishing, self flagellating, and self-defeating premature judgment regarding our potential. 

All the comparison and blah..blah...blah inner talk of self judgement needs to fall on deaf ears to the trick..and that is to Allow me to use and do with what I have right now start some where...which I make the spiral circle and realizes time and time again in the Grace of a higher presence I do quite well...

Grace is available to us all, at any stage of creative journey. As beginners, we need the grace of begin. As apprentice artists, we need the grace to continue. As accomplished artist, we need the grace to again accomplish what it is we can. At all levels of creative endeavor, the Great Creator is present and partnering us.

Some many never look this deep into their creative lives or fear to...and just stay on the surface and skim over...but ask I walk a creative spiritual path I encounter bumps and some road blocks and a few crashes along the way, but because the ability to creative has been given to me and that may be even in making a  good pot of soup I will keep moving forward on a paths of Know thy self.  

As shared by a friend of Julia Cameron..Julianna McCarthy says... The Great Creator always give us strength enough and support enough and guidance enough to meet the precise creative challenges as hand. We may be overwhelmed, but God is not. If we fail at Plan A. God has an endless supply of Plan B's.. There is always not only a fall back position, but also a net. That net is having the faith to try again... this is why sometimes when people share advice on a career path or something like that I do go to a higher authority first and kind of check in to see if this will work..and if I get the gut feeling to pass A...I know and trust there is some other plan will suit me better. but I've got to stay true to my inner knowing instead of listening to well meaning but not a sure thing..

Julia continues...When we say that making art is act of faith and that as we make art we pursue a spiritual path, we are not talking loosely. There is grace in our every artistic encounter. Miracles do happen. We do not plan them. We hope for them and then we are open to the creator's mentoring hand in improving our suggestions.

As we set our ego's aside and allow that creative power to work through us miracles are routinely accomplished-seemingly  by our own hand.

When I move a step at a time, I can edge up the mountain. If I go slowly and gently, playing.  I can even be be proud to have edged up a ledge and I can say, "Wow, I'm doing it" It takes vigilance to be gentle. It is easier to wail at myself, "Oh God, you will never learn."   We do not know how to ask ourselves for real growth. We do not know how to realistically dig in. We make our new art a mountain we cannot climb instead of  trying our luck with small incline and then a steeper one and then a slightly steeper one. Instead of being inspired by those creative climbers we hop crag to crag, we aer discouraged.  Back to the word switchbacks...the are smaller though seemingly longer inclines.. but when you get to the top it was a gentler way to climb.

task is to write out 1 to 50 things you like and approve of yourself...there you going keeping the positive going..

Julia shares...We are often far closer to our own ideal-and ideals then we dare recognize. Self-esteem is an active choice, not a sudden given. We can choose to actively esteem our many positive traits. By counting our blessings we can come to see that we are blessed and that we need not compare ourselves to anyone...

Next is self-pitty and I thing week nine is done..nope there is doubt...Wow just hitting them all in one weeks chapter.. good...though there may be a  feeling of low after reading this and doing some inner knowing I can't help but feel a wonderful flow like a warm wind that lifts.

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