Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Before, During, and After Friends next session

As I continue on with the book...lots of good sections..

Julia Cameron shares... One of the trickiest issues in a creative life is the issue of private support and encouragement for our creative leaps-no matter how they are received. As artists, we do not need private adulation, but we do need before during, and after friends, those people who love and accept us no matter what our current creative shape and size. We need friends who understand that a creative success may bring on-slaughter of pressures nearly as devastating as a creative failure. 

Friends must be found who understand how to cohabit with our varied creative needs. Sometimes, we are the lonely larva; sometimes the beautiful butterfly. Our needs and necessities vary with where we are and how we are doing in our creative process. 

It helps us to become conscious of our needs first of all for ourselves and then to share our insights with those we know we can trust. it's hard to find a friend like that...I have a few friends but they are in a different states so I don't share, and talk with them  as I do have to depend on the lonely larva stage whole lot...I think that's why I spend a lot of time in the woods..may sound a bit silly but the woods or walking in the woods is my before, during and after friend...I can go there as I'm prepare for a  big show and then while I'm in the show/exhibit and after words I find and hear what I need to...and receive unconditional love from my good orderly guidance...mostly its where the outside influences stop coming in and I can hear with my heart..

Julia share in the 12 step's called a "sandwich" call. When they are about to do something difficult, they call a friend, do the difficult thing, and then call the friend back and report "mission accomplished." There are stages of creative work when we can get so painfully stymied that a sandwich call is great first aid.

Most of us have friends who are willing and ready to help us if we will just tell them how...There for me is the key...I have to know myself pretty good to know where I might need help..ex: knowing I have to do something and I've done it many times I still run into some brick walls now and then...So to share that I'm scare and I don't know these people and to hear a loved/friend say that You've done this before and their coming to learn and that the place you shine, that's the place where you know what your doing...just get there and it will be all fine..Call me if you need to.. What I'm reading at this point it's not someone telling us how to do it. It's someone reminding us that we can...we/I get all caught up in nonsense thinking and forget our true selves and abilities...that yes we can do it!"

An artist in the midst of  making a large creative jump-a concert tour, a book signing , a one-person show is a vulnerable and some times volatile creature.  Anyone approach a big thing as this would be feeling about the same way..a bit to the new and adventure excitement and also open for hurt, not that one ask for it but when you open others my take advantage of doing the snipe thing on you.. or they will pour a bit of guilt your way for leaving them behind while you go get to busy an forget them.  Julia shares Yes, among other things, and it can be hard to find willing ears for some of our odd, success-driven adventures. I remember thinking...she said,  who can I call to say Sammy Davis Jr, invited me to his house, and then told me I was a great dance?  (I'm not sure my mother was the right choice.) The simple fact of your new life can sound like bragging and name dropping, even to yourself.  We must find people who can see our vulnerability in such passages and neither encourage it to become terror nor discount it. 

As artist and people, we need people who can see us for who we are-as big as we are and as small as we are, as competent and powerful as we are, and as terrified and as tiny as we sometimes feel. As artists, we need people who believe in us and are able to see our large selves, and people who are able to be gentle and compassionate with our smaller selves.. well reading this I can't help but feel we as human being all need people like this in our lives...Julia asks that maybe having a list ready with people that we feel we can call would be a good thing to look over. And being aware of those that will hears us when we are feeling small verses the supportive one that can hear our victories and not think we are losing our minds and ego's.

If you are surrounded by people who are out of touch or shaky in their own creativity; they may never be able to see your need for validation and support as an artist. To them you're the lucky one, so what's the problem? Watch out if this happens, This attitude may trigger you into your own caretaking, where you join them in neglecting your artist or true self. Julia goes on to share...

Consciously or not, the withholding of approval and appreciation is powerful manipulations that moves us off our personal perspective and into pleasing others..hmmm This can be very expensive. When people are afraid of being artistically diminished themselves, they may never be able to do anything but diminish you... What we want to find are people who are able to be generous to us and to our artist...sounds a bit selfish...or is it self care?  I've got a gut warning signal about some people, call it not trusting or plan "this person is toxic" kind of feeling...being aware is a good thing and then I can see from there.. and I would say this is something only for artist again...but for all of us to be in tune to.

So back to the artists part...We must learn to avoid those who blackmail us by pointing at our abandoming them when we are pulling our energies in and gathering them for a creative jump.  We must find those who can both help ground us and help nurture us as we leap.

Then need to have supportive friends around that can feed us spiritually before and after is very important.

Friends who see our success but do not see it's stressors can tend to actually ask us to care for them just as those moments when we ourselves need care...Here is are hard a mom, friend, artist etc. it's hard when your about to head off for a big event and the family calls out or even some of the simples of tasks...we have to do some inner thinking and selfcare...

Julia shares about living in Manhattan and feeling a bit lonely verses her time she live in New Mexico and all the before during and after friends she has there...she put a prayer out...Dear God, send me my real friends, I am too lonely with just you and me and good intentions...As funny as this sounds she has received phone calls and emails and letter from old friends and now in Manhattan she has her support system in tack..

The task for this section is to write a letter out to an imaginary supporter.. Wanted...etc. etc.  and see what happens..

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