Friday, April 08, 2011

Patterns in life and art, and forgot my paints...

Yesterday I went through my normal routine of checking things off the list but with a demo to present in the evening which involved a bit of travel, I go into a pattern...I pretend that I'm not anxious about it all and that I don't have any fears.  So knowing what works to help me get through these emotional feelings, first would be food to numb what I was feeling and then I would get all up set that I went and did that..so I'm trying to brake a life long pattern and I chose to turn to the woods medicine which always helps me get through what ever I'm up against or needing to walk through or face.

I head out to the woods feeling a bit rushed and thoughts going through my head about all that I need to do and have ready..Stretching out and breathing in the fresh air, the senses start to get in tune with what is real..hints of green, sounds of the wood peckers and small sparrows a few red tails hawks and the winds blowing in the scents of small new green growth, I'm capture the first scents of freshness.  I begin walking, creating a rhythm with ever step...the tension in between my shoulder blades is apparent...I tell myself relax breath in and out, relax.   I say a few prayers and seek the guidance of the day, the moment of being present as I walk...from what I've learned that is the best place to be.

The rock I picked this morning said I need to forgive myself,  "for what?"  and then it came to me the sugar I so badly want to stay away from I went against my promise to myself and more frequently then before.  So as I walked I thought about how much pressure I put on myself to have everything perfect...well as perfect is in my eyes it can be...and then the thoughts of being human and a presence caring for me just the way I am is perfect...I look around and seen the dried golden rods stems, how ugly but yes so beautiful. You see what that plant does when it is used as a source to house an new wasp...the plant is injected with the egg from a small wasp and then the plant feels invade and protects itself by growing around the egg and then little does the plant know it is helping the insect... then out  pops a small wasp later on leaving a hole..My father in law called them weed worms good for ice fishing...but Looking at the plants and trees and nature in general brought to mind about not every leaf is perfect but in a whole beauty is seen...the beauty of the character to be what it is and stand tall...so after that medicine I received I continued walking my first trip around...I then met a dear walking friend I'd not seen in along time...I don't know her name but she was so happy to see me she almost ran up to me and wanted a hug...we embraced like long lost friends. I was blown away by this gesture...Acceptance of myself and letting go of perfect and adding a bit of forgiveness to the list..was a big surprise to me to receive this welcome...She was so happy to tell me of her new great grandson and her other granddaughter...I couldn't help but smile so big..and be filled up.

I kept walking, then as I came around for my last pass I see my favorite person, Aldo the retired Italian Barber...What a sight...and he came to me with open arms and wanted a hug too...I was blown away by the greetings and was so filled with gratitude, I went to seek some inner balance with my anxiousness and I came back with a weeks full of good old fashion love.

All I say to finish this up is I receive moments like this often when I seeking a bit of guidance to get thought things or when I'm having troubles sort life out...If I go to my happy place, which for me is outside with nature I always get an answer to what and where I'm to be... well at lest for that moment...
walking today with grace...

My experience at Kishwaukee Valley Arts League was very warm and welcoming...I laugh at my imperfectness...I packed everything but my paints...which I don't use a lot of when demo-ing but a bit here and there helps give the effect I'm trying to bring across...as I said keeps me human and that's the best place to be perfect is in my imperfectness I have great character and I'm accepted... I can help but laugh at myself this morning...

Off to volunteer at the LaGrange Art League...the Facades show is up and I heard I took an honorable mention for my three piece-Inukshuk...


2 comments:

  1. obviously the space apart is doing wonders...ahh to have a private studio!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for stopping by and viewing my collage chatter, many creative blessings and peace to you and yours
~v~Laura