Visceral, what is that all about...

I was sharing some ramblings with an Elder over the phone...Gosh I do love to talk in the phone...we ended up sharing important daily stuff for about an hour and a half. She said,"You feel deeply."  And I do, I know I do...it gets me into trouble and when I lose control I end up a bit depressed and stuck in anxious mode.  Which the reactive parts in me want to Do Something to Fix, or Do More...there has to be something I can do? what is at that moment is I feel powerless over what is happening and I react by wanting to fix or do to not feel that way. 

And then again the word Visceral came up this morning in a meditation reading and so I had to google it...and found a definition- In a way that is based on deep feeling and emotional reactions rather then on reason or thought.

Reason and thought....would be a locally way to handle things...you know with facts... Instead I've always dealt with life by deep feelings and emotional reactions while trying to keep balance in my life.  Knowing this about myself and knowing that I can cause great trauma in other lives if I don't have some kind of boundaries with my behavior, I turned to art very early in my life.

I shared my story about sitting at a young age of maybe 6-7 on the porch swing with my sketchbook, color book and crayons.  My Grandfather would sit with me and tell story as we swung in back and forth allow the afternoon to pass.  He would smoke is pipe and I would smell that tobacco so sweet.  What he taught me was to sit and look at what I wanted draw and see the shapes that it was made of. 

Little did I know this whole act of observation would be come such a big part of my life....so back to visceral...feeling deeply with emotion.  I have always struggled with spelling, writing and math.  So when it came to anything that I could do with my hands I gravitated toward it with gusto.  At this early age I know needed to extinguish outwardly what I feeling...or as know I see reacting to life.  Some would say acting out but in a healthy way.   I was fortunate to have good parents that allow the creative outlets to furnish.   As I ventured out on my own and did a bit of reflecting I see that both my parents are highly creative people too and they have learning disabilities also....

This is makes me think about how many of us there are struggling and use other things to cope...Oh don't get me wrong here I went through my years of substance abuse... but the idea of starting a family had me make other choices which had me become more healthier. 

So soon I will be venturing in the artists way book, Finding Water which is the third book of a trilogy that Julia Cameron wrote.  This book is about digging deep as Brene Brown shares in her books,  and it's about really getting honest...and dealing with what kind of road block we put out there for ourselves and sometime happen to us and how we stand the test of time to persevere and begin again with new inspiration and possibilities.  This book from my personal understanding is about dealing with some of the greatest challenges artists or as Julia Cameron shares, Creatives go through. 

So now off to print out workshop packets Autumn Art workshop which is in Nebraska next week and taking care of the daily stuff.

As the Crow Flies 

40 x 40 

Collage on wood panels, joined together. 

One of my favorite piece, I worked on each panel separately and then brought them together with the help of my husband and some heavy duty bolts.