Friday, August 08, 2014

Grandmothers, Sage women and Art...what a journey

Ramblings.....From Tree Spirited Woman, book by Colleen Baldrica...(which by the way I would love to do a woman's circle with some day...Journaling, art, tipi, women, and art....I believe I will be shown when but in the mean time I will share here and go forward with it as I've done with many other books)

Talk about the relationship with your grandmother or someone you think of as a grandmother figure and share some of your memories....

So a flood of images from my past came in....the neighbor behind us while my mom had to travel back and forth to the doctors and hospital with my little sister Patty.

My fathers mother whom I remember as large, soft, gray and wore glasses because of her lazy eye...I think from what I remember people saying...I think I was 5 to 7.   She was always sitting at the kitchen table or in her chair next to Grandpa at the farm in Wisconsin....and when she walked she use her cane.  But I do remember the hugs I received when I first saw her and when I had to leave the farm house...lets say I felt wrapped by love and warm.

My mothers, mothers- two of them I remember, Marie Ann was my mother step mother and she had coal black hair, wear cover-up make up that made her face white  and had red lips...Short memories of her and she was sweet, smiled a whole lot and always offered some of the coffee cake my grandfather brought home from the baker on Sunday morning when we visited. And then their was the other Grandmother (Witchy Poo)  lived next to my Aunt Kitty and she had a slight arm twitch- when she did dishes the arm would twitch and water would go every where. I guess she was not the nicest Step mom to my mother, with the way she and my aunts spoke of her.  Kind of hard to be little and listen to the family talk....information freely offered to young ears which were very  innocent.   I honestly can say I don't know her real name....sad, I know if I talked to my mom she would say and I would remember it.   Looking back, she had barely no money to live on her own so she was very thrifty.

So at a young age the grandmother figures were just that...and didn't last long I would say around the ages of 7 to about 11 they had all passed away...and my parents divorced when I was 12 or around that age.  At least I had some memories of a grandmothers and be grateful for that.

I want to say I turned to Nature at a young age with out even realizing she's the ultimate grandmother....being the oldest and where ever I was brought along to, I seemed to be on my own a I hung outside and explored my surrounds, animal pastures, woods, creeks, parks, ponds etc. but then those memories all start to become stronger as I was getting older and on my own more.

It all makes sense now....why I seek out older women and pour my heart out to them and then wait to hear here wisdom and experience.  The thing I've got to remember is to be respectful to them as of their not this grandmother of my youth, their these wonderful women that are giving me the gift of listening.  I've always felt this strong need for a Woman I had to go on a quest for them.  Seeking the unconditional love that a grandmother gives with listening to you and sharing stories of long ago...

Women Elders in my life since...
* During High School there was a teacher, Mrs Danhelka and she was stern type but we had a bond, she understood I was turning to art to deal with life and express myself.
* My step mother was pretty cool compared to the step mother figure I heard about when I was little, Like, Witchy poo... whom I still turn too now and then.
* My mother in law as the our family started to grow four young children I welcomed her advice and guidance.
* A dear Sage Woman that now lives in North Caroline along with Maxine who for a short, short time I hugged every time I saw her...she made me think of my fathers mother, Grandma Lein and for a flash I was brought back to my youth when we made physical contact.

Since then I witnessed may other Sage woman in this part of my life and in the arts, April and Mary...they have been and still are woman that I admire and hope I can be like for my Grandchildren when that day comes.

I know have two other Sage/Elder woman in my life that I pour my "its all about me stuff/venting and listen to me"  Carol and Karen....

I'm writing about this because it seems to be the natural thing to do and be aware of...

On a side note...I've started my piece or pieces-totem series I've envisioned doing. Yesterday I started and I honesty can't say I of what will be on the surface of these so called totems. And why totems because they are tall?   Having the boards set and read for whatever touches the surface is about all I know and how tall I wanted to make and that I wanted three...that all is so very strongly speaking to me.  Kind of like someone gave me orders, OK now follow them.

But the surface, color, imagery and design and directions...I really have to say I'm intuitive trusting in the unknown of this. I was thinking at first of a series...and making it all about Balance-having it, retaining it and being in it...but now I'm not sure....this might be a bit bigger then me...more of a healing journey one of connection and understanding.

I'll leave this at that because by the afternoon I'll be somewhere else with my thoughts but circle back around in the morning.   This kind of thinking, happens after I spill out on the Morning pages...I'm open to a purer spiritual connection.

 Know Thyself....stop... reflect, but don't stare into you past...use it as a way of direction instead of  a weight to hold you down.

Got to go....many daily real life things must be accomplished today.

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