Friday, July 12, 2013

You know artists, their a bit out there or Crazed

So I'm a Introvert with major Intuitiveness and act upon my feeling so strongly that I'm in constant judging mode. INFJ...rare bred and my worse enemy.   Make sense?  You may wonder...Oh she's just an artist...and you know artists, their a bit out there.  

Self talk...Oh I wonder why I'm doing this all and where I'm going (house full of artwork and wanting to create more, can't move taking over whole house) and what should I do next...should I enter another show or should I let it go this year?  I'm tired of hauling and packing up all by myself...fear that if I let it go I many never ever be allowed to do it again...silly I know but round and round I go... Excited that my workshop up north is full and spilling over into the next day.  I feel that I'm a Wheel of Fortune and the wheel won't stop spinning...

I question my nature and activities have always being locked in to an excited mode of getting ready for a class, workshop or event...and when I'm not I'm lost and wander around a bit crazed and afraid to call anyone and vent as fear to loose I isolate....pattern or my survive mode.. I realized it's just who I am as I used to always do it...and really well to as of the whole day would be gone with me wandering in the woods or riding around the neighborhood etc thoughts locked up in my head roller coastering around till I would drop my head and pass out on the pillow...So why change it...52 years and now might be the time to just dang accept myself Aha?

Yesterday for the life of me I was in that Solitude and fighting Poor Me syndrome...Pushed of Push stands for Pray until something happens...Little did I know I had framed up a nice print and prepared some other large prints for sale, picked out my work for the art fair this weekend and I took this print and mounted on a wood panel...

Pearl Canyon 10 x 10 print on wood panel.
It turned out amazing... as I look at this, this morning. Why would you do something like that?  not sure another way to market a print I guess...terrible to say but it's like something you might buy it at your local department store...Target art. 
Yes all over the board as some would say...from crazed to awe struck... working through and know that how I feel sometimes about uncertainty can really drive me batty...but if I hang in their long enough it will all work out...thank God at this time I don't call someone and vent out all the rabble...I just bounce it off my own walls in my head.
So after all that I went outside which our weather here in IL. has been awesomely pleasant and cut the lawn.  Afterwards I went to my therapy session..not been to therapy in a while- Weeding the front always it has been one way if not walking in the woods to regain a sense of balance...touching the earth and reconnecting...I even let Hank and Carl out from the back gate to wander a bit and then they settle down till Hank saw a man walking up the road and decided to protect the whole road and not let him pass...the poor guy was yelling,  Get your Dog lady!!...Get you Dog!  and I know Hank I need to get his attention and then snap his mind out and then he would come...if I would have went running or grabbed his collar  I would have added to the excitement there with Hank and his fear/protecting and cause more of a mess...I Kept calling Hank to come Here!! and you know about the third call he came and we gently went in the front door....Not a Ceaser Milan kind of deal but it worked for first reaction was find a different street to wall down but that just crazy to think that way..
Feeling much better after weeding I ended up making our favorite these days BLT's sandwiches for dinner and I had some raspberry Jello with lite cool whip and fresh raspberries' on top..  
Ramblings and this artist is now sane in her solitude... Oh one thing...I found this Horse back riding stable in Door County and I think next week when up there teaching the workshop I'm going to ride on Sunday before I head home....I'm all excited to give it a try...No one else in the family gets into this so it's again a solo thing I'm interested in and want to do and can do...the husband admitted early on in our marriage that he's like the handle bars better then the reins on a he's not a rider like that he's got to have two wheels verses my need for four legged creature.


  1. I loved this post. You are not alone in your thinking. I think it is the nature of the artist. Keep doing what you do and sharing what you share!

  2. I so GET this post. Thank you.

  3. thank you ladies...for getting it and for us that keep going and moving forward..kudos to you all too.


Thank you for stopping by and viewing my collage chatter, many creative blessings and peace to you and yours