Monday, August 27, 2012

More busy work...and to Music...

I've been having a big Self Doubt moment the last few weeks and I know it crazy- or stinking thinking but it gets mightier every time.  Especially emotional wise with the changing body hormonal stuff...some one asked me if I needed to talk to someone about this...Maybe I do...What I realize is the lack of a cycle builds up an emotion wall then add a couple of big events to prepare for and you have the ingredients for a mind disaster... The release of the monthly cycle calms the womanly nature in me and with out it then I have a build of anxiety...  I see the pattern, I've been working on my well being and getting out and exercising and starting a new program soon in September that I can wait to get into. 

Now try to explaining a bag of emotions to someone and they don't know how to help but to say maybe you need to talk to someone..  you see my thoughts have always been fragmented and bits and pieces...I've always had a challenge sorting it out..I get there but in our house we say by the back door.

Well with each cycle that would come monthly there is a moment of a few days of heighten awareness to all the things that I've been trying to deal with or let go of and trying to figure it all out lead me to a moment of utter chaos and break down...but for only a day or half  day...and now with the gaps,  it seems to be building up and making me want to hide out and not be with others...rightly so as I'm a crabby little witch...So,  still in a gap of cycles but yesterday something happened. 

I pulled out some music on my Ipod and listened to it...Robbie Robertson, Contact with the underworld of RedBoy...As soon as I heard that I was released of all the garbage circling around and I realized that it all wasn't that important to carry it around...and I got busy on what I wanted to do and that was cutting over 30 mats and backing and packaging it up into plastic seleves for the Outdoor Studio Exhibit coming up.

These are all Tack Down Tuesday's that didn't sell...the will be up for sale in a few weeks at the exhibit in a bin there are a few that I want to frame up and save for my One person show at LaGrange though...

Then I let the music play around again and continued on to finishing my postcards... all 830 of them. going out this week on Thursday... postie is going to get a big bang out if me when I come in..

Ok not complaining just realizing the imbalance of it all...the postage cost more then all the postcards to be use to not...but times are a changing aren't they.

So I share the behind the scene stuff that goes on and as long as I remember that I'm not in this alone and I have a higher presence in my life to guide know the good orderly direction, God, Universe, the Great Spirit... kind of stuff...I get back on a good Red Road of life and stay out of the mind gutters that clutter the positive thinking... it's just cycles-like all of life, ebb and flows...I know I'm more open about it then most people...but got to walk through it in order to move on and talking about moving on...time to do just book club today..



  1. Laura,

    Though it may not help, you are not alone. I experience the same anxiety. Some days (to many to count) I am convinced I am losing my mind. Then it goes away. Then it comes back. I find myself holding on tightly as if going on a very bumpy ride, knowing that sooner or later it will be over. Hang on tight my friend.

  2. artists have their ups and downs, their in and outs.. blank one day and charging ahead the next.. go with the flow, accept the changes..and distractions and just DO -- day by day.


Thank you for stopping by and viewing my collage chatter, many creative blessings and peace to you and yours