Ok I want to open up the tent walls and make paper today..it's cooler out and there's blue skies..But that's not going to happen right today and there will be more days like that coming..it's hard to stand out there making paper when you sweating away. I've neglected papermaking so far this year...feels odd but grateful the tents up and standing strong..even through the storms how lucky is that..
Well I pulled my book A Women's Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon, yes you caught me...I'm a self help junky, besides the food junky.. here's some tidbits I've picked up...
How do I find the courage to fight for my own development against family and cultural pressures? What can I do on my own behave?
What becomes apparent is that growth in self-esteem entails a challenge to one's courage. (the word courage means to take heart, one of my most favorite words)
One has to do with healing childhood traumas and psychic wounds that have resulted in a damaged sense of self-in other words, the elimination of negatives...The other is the building of positive: learning those practices and ways of operating that result in a strengthend sense of competence and worth..
We are all more then our problems...
So now I move to chapter one-The importance of Self-Esteem...
We are fed so much crap about how we should be from our society, things become skewed.. (my comment)
The danger is that a very important idea will become trivialized. And yet, of all the judgements we pass in life, none is more important than the judgement we pass on ourselves...hmmmm I ask myself what judgement have I been carrying around about myself? is that a bit skewed too.
Self-esteem empowers, energizes and motivates. It inspires us to achieve and allows us to take pleasure and pride in our achievements.
High self-esteem seeks the challenges and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals. Reaching such goals nurtures good self-esteem. Low self-esteem seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding. Confining oneself to the familiar and undemanding serves to weaken self-esteem.(I have to remember this and make some changes when it comes about.) The more solid our self-esteem, the better equipped we are to cope with troubles that arise in our careers or our personal life's, the quicker we are to pick ourselves up after a fall, the more energy we have to begin anew. (I've heard this many time in even from my uncle way back when I fell off a mini bike...he said get right back on.)
Well I'll stop right there... with the chapter...
Being a self-help junky from way back, I've always looked at the damage sense of self...and I have to admit it's not been easy but I do that..they say if you look back and start the staring than that's not go but if you can look back and see how things have effect you with out blaming and accept it as it is then you can move on and start working and being present for the day at hand..oh that's easy right???not..any ways I'm looking at things that are effecting me lately and it's the hormones..Reality!! and knowing that it's a course my path has me on right now and something I'm dealing with how does it effect me in my life, work and family..? All good questions I ask.
As the hormones start taking me hostage and that can be mid day without warning...I'm sucked into to the negitives and fall short of the positives..which is not like me at all...I'm a pretty up bet person and most of the time have faith that it will all work out and there's a big plan and I'm just a small part of it..I'm content with and humble happy to be part of..
Combination of things leads one in many directions and mine has led me to being an artist..and women artist at that..caring for the homestead full of may young adults and loving it but the outside influences of our economy has wreck some havoc on my sense of self along with the hormones..So back to the question that was asked way back at the top....How do I find the courage to fight for my own development against family and cultural pressures? What can I do on my own behave?
What I can do....? be aware that I'm here now in this place seeking some answers to problems, and secondly accept it for what it is..I'm a woman of a certain age and I've come this far through struggles and good fortunes, things are unpredictable more so then before but not terrible bad with opportunity still possible. Now comes the actions I can take to keep myself motivated to continue to grow into this person who I can be proud of... letting go of all expectation and judgement..big order I know but it's a goal and that's what I need right now is a goal..
Deep today I know..but it's where this gal is at right now...Change beings with me...
Heading to the studio, going to open that door up and let the breeze in for a while... do some work and then start the list of things to do today.
Oh I had a little blessing on my shouder this morning while sitting outside..a young sparrow sat on my shoulders...how cool is that!! after it flow off I ran in the house to tell the hubby...either it was to young to be afraid of me or I've been sitting to long at the patio table...
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