Make time to cultivate inner peace

 

Embrace the Winter 

8 x 8 

Happy to share it is with a really good friend in her house. 

This morning after a really rough night of no sleep I found myself in the spare bed. (snoring, mental mind jumping -anxiety)  There are nights when I'm over tired and burnt out.  Eldercare drains me...there I said it.  It's not bad it's draining and I don't get a chance to put myself first always.   Spillage of verbiage on the page and I'm feeling much better, now. Oh I did get into some oatmeal cookies yesterday afternoon from Whole Foods,  so what's the problem?   Sugar and doing too much, listening to myself in the wrong ways.  Escape in the moment of delight in textures and tastes in the mouth and sugar.  I talked with a dear elder and shared...Can you see why sometimes I reach for the cookies or Ice Cream...I want to numb, shut it out and not have to think about what I have to do next.   I seem to not be able to stop and tend to self as easy as I should...never did, not sure if I will ever.  Though I've changed many things over my years...don't want to rule out anything yet.  

So this is what I read, 

Self-reflection is only activated when a person or situation stirs something inside you.  Don't shy away from it. Not only does it provide a valuable opportunity for self-realization, but it also shows how the other identifies with you.  All of your relationships play their part in your development. Use each connection like a mirror  reflecting vial information about your inner most evolution. Essentially the other becomes  the barometer to how much love you have to give and how much love you are able to receive.  Address it,  what lurks behind any anger, and liberate yourself from it. Don't deny yourself this change for growth. Look at relationships as lamps lighting the way along your inner path home.  

Inner peace. 

Elder, words, gossip talk, behaviors and lack of action and movement, every day. (stirs in me)

Living with someone or them living with us and all the things you don't normally see or hear if visible on both sides. One would think we might be use to it all...still fighting it and having flashback of what it was like before.  Question, What is activated from us to the other? How am I seen through their eyes? does it really matter what they think of me?  Being in a observing situation of caregiving of someone else their is this seeing of things.  Lets say hard to keep smiling face all day.  More like resting bitch face takes over by the end of the day. 

 inner most evolution

Life is not difficult physically and there is much cooperation and respect. Goofy as this is the barometer of what you give and get seems to start to show it's funky face too.  Address it, all work that has to be done seems to fall on my shoulders, am exhausted when someone say you could have her go to a place or stay somewhere or have them come over....Would someone else make the plans and take over for me? I'm called the General in the house, a joke that one can be proud of I guess but out of necessity a system was formed and I follow it day in day out and its working...what every she wants to eat, the joke is to run it pass the "General," before to see if she can have it.  Who wants this kind of power? it feeds for only a little bit...till the Ego get tired.  

Lamps lighting the way....I purchased a Weight Bench, I did go to the gym before this at the end of Covid and walked in the woods many times out of the week and I was able to create and stay engaged with a creative idea to see it play out in a beautiful flow. My time and space is being zapped from us.  I want to say me but the Husband is in this too.  I didn't walk this morning and decided to do my floor exercise that always relax me and then I did some 10lb weights with 5 different exercise and two repeats...(I'm one that will go all at it or nothing.) So passing myself and work up to it.  My body isn't well physically and I know it...I hold the tension in my back and of course in my belly. I don't want to expand, (word for the year) in the middle any more.  I'm not look for great weight loss I'm looking to be strong for myself.  

My inner peace has a lot of good ingredients that getting open about lately has been part of the calm and peace.  There are ways to do this, self care is #1 but it goes sideways quickly with the environment of the Elder. My home is my inner peace and there's been some disruptions for the past 15 months I've been mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physical having to learn about.  I'm grateful for how things have amazingly unfolded but that doesn't take away the hard of it all. 

Well time to head down to the kitchen area for the daily duties of Eldercare...and to prepare for my granddaughter Freyja visit today.  This Baba's heart really sings loudly and yes struggles with having to share her with the Elder/Grammy.  

I do have a support group I work with and people that do love me and again I'm so grateful for my Greater Spirit because this gals keeps prayer for guidance this each day.