Sweet Compassion Little Girl

 Yesterday, I had the chance to be outside my son was able to turn the earth over a week and a half ago and that was a blessing after winter...gets a bit packed down.  And yesterday I took the three prong rack/hoe and broke up the earth clods and made it a bit finer before the rains come in tonight and tomorrow...we don't have anything planned but peas by the fence but soon..The comfort of working the earth is so healing...everyone so do it...


At this time of the Shelter in Place, Virus Pandemic this was sent to me....thought I would share.

My Word this year is Transform...if you don't know what to transform from...is my questions.  So I asked one of my Sage Women and she asked me what did you use to self protect yourself when you were little.  Those things that we used to not feel the pain, and when your really little how do you really know what to do and we are humans and full of many emotions and feelings at a time when one feels hurt, not know you or I could reach for the wrong thing but it fills something that you feel is a void...rambling but this is what came to me this morning...some personal stuff but I know have such compassion for my younger self....

Been thinking about the past, Good girl behavior...in my journal writing this morning I remember hearing that I was so quiet that something should be done because it's like she' not even here...First, Second and Third grades....I was asked if I wanted a job to pick up the attendance card from the lower level classes and turn it into the school office. 

I knew when I was young I was different with learning and comprehending. You sense those things about yourself early....I never raised my hand to be called on to read...To do a book report in front of the class was murder..., I would read and nothing sunk in...so I wrote sentences from the books like they were my own....fast forward to third grade, playing the clarinet I went from beginner to advance in a few short month...it was all repetitive learning. Couldn't read a note now if my life depended on it..    The difference with the learning difficulties I had in my own mind outcasted me from what I saw on the outside of everyone else...I think it created my own self protections as of jealousy envy, and comparisons... and the long need for a Sense of belonging too...not fitting in.  What can a small good girl do with her feelings at this age?  Sweet compassion is all I have for the little girl in me....