On the Studio Wall....

Being an artist means

 forever healing your own wounds

 and at the same time 

endlessly exposing them.

Morning routine....get coffee going, 

take vitamin, 

water and feed the dogs,

 light my candle

let dogs out and in

 and get a cup of coffee, add coconut milk to it, 

Pick a rock out of the bowl 

and shake my slogan cup for a slogan,  

Begin my morning pages, 

get a half hour of journal writing in before the family starts to stir. 

I have a load of inspiring books close by that grab for inspiration for the day..

Artists Way, 

Mediation books

Mindfulness books and Animal spirit books 

This morning I started to re-read my mindfulness book  

Talking about the Buddhist insights four of them in fact.  Quick reference of acceptance is we all feel some sort of suffering, thirst or insatisfactoriness.  It's call dukkha...which I am just staying open to and learning about.  So many books that I've read talk about suffering artist and that we don't have to be.   Now I had a thought and it was the quote above...that it does look like some artists and creative types wear Messy Bits on their arms or lug it around on the backs....I know there are times that I do that too.  But might it be that their learning to deal with it...part of the acceptance of life... Around and back at it here,  some of the things in life are so true...and gaining a new perspective of it can be a game changer.  The self assessment that goes on with most creative and spiritual types is about healing past wounds....and being vulnerable and exposing your self again to the world in the process. Cycles, Season and Growth we come back to it again and again when you go throw and finally accept it for what it is then we know we've lived I believe.   No one likes to suffer and be in pain of any sorts...even simple little losses that we deal with every day.

On to the Second insight, which is about cause and affect,   There is a truth...Internal response; for every external event that arises, we have an internal reaction that Co-rises. Some of our reaction causes or compounds the suffering already there.  As a society, myself included big time there, I think we are a bunch of reactive knuckle heads... And when we get to overwhelmed with all the reacting we might chose to numb, block, and deaden ourselves with drugs alcohol, blame and control.  

Now pack all this thought and heart stuff in to your art...A lot of  creatives do each day...I'm so thankful that I can journal write, ramble and grumble about life there and then the space and grace come out and I'm able to create.  It could be an afternoon of cooking up a few meals for the week, trying a new bread, or taking the risk on an ideas not knowing if it will work but feeling very excited to give it a try and letting go of the results. 

The continual inner suffering I carry around is about my body...how I think it is and when I look in the mirror what I really see.  So working in a class with the Artists Way...I face a fear of the body illusion, my body and took a few nude photo's of myself.  Oh my gosh...not an easy task...sharing this with a dear friend I found out she does this also through the years herself and draws herself...how cool.  Sharing this helped...then being invited to be in a exhibit....I thought how perfect to explore the who body suffering and cause and effect issues....So as I work through these pieces...The Title I believe will be for this body of work, Self Assessment.  

Working on a body of work and working through old wounds or continued ones is a wonderful life process. I will say that when you step out in a directions as Julia Cameron shares often and the doors start to open up, insight, directions and aha moments, with continued Life's messy bits because that's just life....there is a reaction to that and it's not one of numbing.  We always have choices and taking steps to do something differently is one of them. 

To the steps of process and wonderment in growth and healing.  

Exposing myself....all messy bits that I'm learning to love 

My idea of adding the space in between the pieces, the roundness of my own body directed me to pick something round...so the package in the draw had only four pieces...I had to go out on a hunt to find the right pieces...our local Joann Fabrics had it. Grab two bags worth...(12 in a bag)

over kill I know but just encase.

Now the husband has cordless drill and saws...but it felt good to physically use the arms and hands, it made me slow down and take the time to measure and not jump into it to fast.  After the first two section went together I was very excited...this will work! Hard to now know but you have to take a step toward the unknown right?  Take a risk... not like jumping off a cliff but one with your art and hoping not to mess up the art on the panels...but I am attached to it but not that much.  

 

I cut the side board which are a bit hard to see,  not painted yet. (some 1 x 2's)  There is only going to be the side board to help hold the 5 piece together.  Though the pegs and wheel are the holding them together it's much like tinker toys...it will come apart.  (this is why I loved tinker toys when I was young and good experience for now) I didn't glue them because I thought about the play-give and take I might need if their not perfectly straight when the Husband helps me nail the side together. We have to use clamps to hold them in place till we brad nail the wood sides. Then I can fill in the holes. 

 Rambling on this morning right?  Yikes.... But I'm hoping you can see the black painted board on the long sides.  The top and bottom won't have the painted sides I have more yet to do with that...Things are going to grow outwardly yet.
Now I have to wait...I do need help with this and well the Husband is working...Probably Sunday he may be able to give me a hand.

With this exhibit opportunity to show my work in a process sort of way...The idea of self-publishing a book about it...another Yikes....so I just might save this ramble an edited it a bit and put it in...All the messy bits that make us...US.  Don't you just love it? Keeping a healthy drama on the page....