A Selfie kind of day...from one side to the other

Mixed feelings....some one told me a while back that "feelings just are." it's what we do with those feelings that matter.

My daughter shared yesterday that Gemini's and artists have a tendency to be bipolar....You know have highs and lows.  

And being sensitive emotional creature it's been a struggle all of my life. 

When you think you have a good sense of things and you receive flashes of strong emotion that it's not so true...or is it?  

I tell myself that this all is not true....straighten up you act there Girl.   I start the self talk in a positive way.   You see it's a pattern, "dance," is more like it.  I doubt myself and then I pick up the hand of more doubt and whirl.   What it's called is Self -Sabotage, where I beat myself up before hand so that if it doesn't work out I won't be hurt as badly.  Make sense?  Well it may not but I am aware of it this morning.  

Now I've also heard and read that a big doubt it a big step back only set out to help you prepare better.  Not to be perfect mind you but to mostly be on your toes about what responsibilities you have to encounter and yes get ready for. Do your footwork !

 Yesterday between the idea of birthing a small journal or booklet for my workshop this weekend, our microwave when ca-putts... stopped heating things up and the night before the light wouldn't go on for a night light...it said "press for clock"...that I usually see when the power goes out.   Well we headed out, the husband and I to the a few places and found a updated model of what we had...I like it simple and the husband like new and gadgetiy...so keeping me happy we got the simple one. So as he was doing stuff I couldn't help him with I was running up and down the stairs trying to figure out how to lay things out so I could get this printed at home and be able to stitch it up...( the booklet) Yes more creative work but work that helps me deal with the natural anxiety of preparing for the workshop.  Well happy to say I got it figured out....now to print it and stitch it.

Thoughts are from one side of the spectrum to the other...and yes I had fried shrimp with whatever kind of breading and oils..not something I'm use too, so this could be the connection.  But maybe not...always been like this...that Gemini-an with two sides of the coin...any way I really enjoy the story about the elephant and the blind men...let me see if I can find it on the internet and share it...

The Elephant and the blind Men

Once an elephant came to a small town.  People had read and heard of elephants but no one in the town had ever seen one.  Thus, a huge crowd gathered around the elephant, and it was an occasion for great fun, especially for the children.  Five blind men also lived in that town, and consequently,  they also heard about the elephant.  They had never seen an elephant before, and were eager to find out about elephant.

Then, someone suggested that they could go and feel the elephant with their hands.  They could then get an idea of what an  elephant looked like. The five blind men went to the center of the town where all the people made room for them to touch  the elephant.

Later on, they sat down and began to discuss their experiences.  One blind man, who had touched the trunk of the elephant, said that the elephant must be like a thick tree branch.  Another who touched the tail said the elephant probably looked like a snake or rope.  The third man, who  touched the leg, said the shape of the elephant must be like a pillar.  The fourth man, who touched the ear, said that the elephant must be like a huge fan; while the fifth, who touched  the side, said it must be like a wall.

They sat for hours and  argued, each one was sure that his view was correct.  Obviously, they were all correct from their own point of view, but no one was quite willing to listen to the others.  Finally, they decided to go to the wise man of the village and ask him who was correct.  The wise man said, “Each one of you is correct; and each one of you is wrong.   Because each one of you had only touched a part of the elephant’s body.  Thus you only have a partial view of the animal.  If you put your partial views together, you will get an idea of what an elephant looks like.”

The moral of the story is that each one of us sees things exclusively within one’s point of view.  We should also try to understand other people’s points of view.  This will enable us to get a proper perspective on different  situations and events.

How can I say this...but there are times when I'm not sure I know myself. My thinking becomes distorted and my perspective is all lost. Though this self has many seasons and faces all part of  the whole person- me.  Not trying to fill the ego here with photo's of myself.. but facing what every kind of self doubt I might be feeling I'm working through it with grace, understanding and compassion. 

 photo taken in 2013  Late summer, by my daughter Maddie.

Photo taken 2014 early in the winter walking in the woods

Contemplative photo about 5 years ago

And this was last week in the kitchen by my big fish tank at the kitchen table.

Know thyself...through thick and thin...through emotional messes and wondrous gratitude. All of it is Me and all of that is part of my life that then gets tossed around and some how comes out through my art as self expression.  As Julia Cameron always says...if you want to work on your art then you first have to work on your life...right now this is the life stuff.

Off to be the other-self...a teacher, with gratitude and grace.