Why oh why do I do this to myself

Woke up and feel like I was hit with a freight train.....I think I can handle things and enjoy all the good stuff out there but I guess I just have to learn to do it in small segments.

I was so excited to drive back into the city with my daughter....number one things that gets me all over board along is the drive in and being in the city trying to pay attention and take it all in even the people and taxi's wanting to walk or drive out in front of you....Questioning what I do this..

Then on to the One of a Kind Show again...but with my daughter which I think is so cool that we can share this but even she had enough at about two or so hours...as we both looked at each other..."time to go home now" I did buy a metal etched print of a crow flying and it's title is called the messenger...some day all my small works will hang new wall in my home and I will have my own gallery of other peoples art work.

Then while we were in the city and it was just a short ways away...we went to the Conservatory.

 

My oldest, Stevie Kay....named after Stevie Nicks....Well she's a gem to take to the city she's been all over the place so happily I trusted her fully.   I was in awe....and I seen many people sitting and spending time in there enjoying the living plants and the water sounds and the humid air...while mind you it was snowing out side...I call it perfect day for coming...Not a lot of crowds and wasn't to bright.  I think in June there was a hail storm and broke some of the glass panes in some sections of the huge place.

So when I got home I ran into the garage to see how the husband was doing...and this is what I saw. stacks of bookbinding cradles to use for my class coming up...I was so excited to see them and he was covered with sawdust well not totally but from sanding and cutting this one can't help but have it all over the place. 

When I came in there to see him he looked at me fun like what's up with you?  and I said "what?"  He said you look all wide eyed and wired...and I said yes I know I feel it, like my whole body was trying to be a sponge and not miss one thing that went on today...trying to soak it all up. 

Well I wrestled with the night as of first the Hank had to go out and then the Husband came in late from snow plowing and I just couldn't go back to sleep...so I had to get up and wander a bit and then fell asleep in the chair in the living room....listening to the chimes outside.  

Circling after seeing the OOaK show and thinking maybe I should sign up for next year but such a huge chunk of $ to do that....and circling around with what is my direction for next year....to Oh my gosh I've got to do the house bills, go Xmas shopping of sorts, drop off work for display for a workshop I'm teaching, wondering when my Christmas postcards will come in so I can mail out...Oh and I have a class today...and lets see what else can I pile in there to try to tackle in one thought....

Oh I hate it when the brain kicks in over time...found out the place I.m to drop off work for display isn't open today...breathe...break it down into doable tasks and it will all work out in the end...

I'm nervous about the Holiday Art Bazaar this Saturday....you know... stuck on perfect...trying to make it all perfect in my head as of the artwork, what I'm bring, how the display will look and myself...Just add a bit more crazy and stir....great cocktail for a freeze of motion.

Why oh why do I do this to myself...I know it's a process , become aware that I need to be real and let go of perfect and trust in the unknown that it will all work out....

The dance of Inner knowing and now that I write it out I can see it for what it is...silly but it's me...and all my humanness... keeping it moving forward.

So much goodness sometime even can drive a person crazy if they don't stop and gain a bit of grounding, gratitude and balance...