Excuses....am I really starting to believe them?

Oh I have my share of excuse and for good reason....but do they stand the span of life.  Using the same thing over and over again....from my understanding is a sign of Insanity especially if your expecting different and more results.  I think the gathering  from yesterday and today is... an excuse can start out for a good reason then you have to feed it more and more to keep up the importance of the excuse. Because with time it settles some what and the excuse that you might have given just doesn't stand.

So here is where the illusional story starts....Creatively we/I start to add tidbits and yes buts to things and really start building up a wall, and it becomes thicker and thicker. Those tidbits taking on character and the characters add on some drama.. They than start to take on the independent identities. 

Wouldn't it be easier to just do the creative work right off the bat instead of creating and circle around and creating more excuse drama's? 

One can give a name to it...My husband, my ex-wife, My old teacher...etc.. they've all given us their option on how they see it...or think they see and know it.  Mind you there could be some good advice that comes now and then but to stop creating because of our excuses...baffles me. I know some pain might have come along with what created the excuse in the first place...believe me I do understand...but that's when I can create some really emotional works.

These excuse start some where and from some source in our life, surely not a creative source like a god of my understanding but from some place else a place that wanted to control us and for what ever reason be it from a person who couldn't do it themselves,  so why should anyone else or from a person  who might be afraid if you go further with your creativeness you might leave and become something besides what they know and like...silly don't they know that if you let someone/thing go it will come back to you if it was meant too...Actually by my husband who now and then says something but truly enjoys to see me happy knows that by allow or trying not to control me that it's now about me leaving him...no in fact what it does is makes me love him more for his openness about it all...letting go from my experience is one of the hardest things to do but when you can it's so freeing.  (rambling)

Fear, Oh the ugly head of Fear that we run to first... what every happen to running to faith...I ask myself this now...why do I grab fear first and feed it excuses, tidbits and yes buts? 

It's one of the mornings that I picked from my stone bowl and received this....

Oh I've got so much to do today...I've got to finish one more journal, I want to edit my video's I took yesterday while I was making a Coptic stitch journal, I've got to up date my website...it's so old school.  And I need to call people, email people, pick up movies for the Husband... Make art today?  do I have time can I make time....do I even what to make art today...why does a rock/smooth stone take on so much presidency in my life? 

I'm sure you're all saying to yourself...Laura just stop and breathe....

Yesterday while I was in my studio making art, tack down Tuesday piece and video taping myself making a the journal....the words that came to me at an in between moment of walking over to give a coat of satin varnish to my piece to finish it up...."I really love my life"....even though I have to do some computer work yet after creating this piece and a huge pile of dishes and run out to the store because there is only one roll of toilet paper in each bathroom holder...I really do love my life.  I love it for its crazy simplexes and all the different roles I play.  I know I'm not board, well maybe when I have to watch the shows that the Husband is watching because it's his night on the TV and I had a busy day and just want to be a bump on a log and numb out.

So what the hell am I rambling about this morning....Excuses that I myself use to set limits on my creativity. Areas in life that I use and abuse the excuse to stop me from creating...I think I'll always have a few in my back pocket but understanding the whole game that goes on in the thinking department of a lot of highly creative people that believe the bullshit...others feed us...and then realizing that we are RAW....Real and Awesome and Whole when we do this two step dance and come out of it bumped and a bit scratched but didn't allow others limits to be carried upon our backs any longer as excuses.... not sure if this makes sense, and not that I'm troubled with it right now but it was one of those morning that I best listen to some sage words welling up inside me.