I'm so full of a greater awareness these last few days...
My oldest daughters friend just had a healthy baby boy-Logan, I can't wait to see him and hold him...the Svencner's household is the place to bring your dog if you need a sitter and we usually watch Ellen's Dogs for her when she comes out from the city and wanted to spend time with our oldest daughter Stevie. So now it might be a few month till she gets settled into her routine but I can't wait I'm sure she will come out.
Which brings me to a weird kind of eye opening little diddy...When we as humans start to realize that we are these beings and we long for the connection and sense of secured we might wonder where that all started. Hear me out..as we get older and become wiser we also seem to be searching for something - be it balance, connection, love, contentment and security or a sense of safety. All of this was provide for us at one time in a nice small space...The Womb, OK I know I'm reaching way out - I found myself pondering the needing to know things and how they will workout etc. and then the realization that life is a heck of lot of pain in the uncertainty department..Not physical pain but a ache of sorts. The uncertainty leads to a lot of falseness of need-control and certainty..Weird I know..So with the birth of a new baby around our home it brought on a realization and I've heard it before..the need to jump back in the womb...we're forced out into this world and given this life and all the time we seek the certainty, security, warmth balance and connection we once had..So how would you deal with this?
With the Brene' Brown book out Darely Greatly and her other book Gift of Imperfection the connection has made itself present to me.
No way in Hell will that every happen as of a human to get back into the womb. So as we get older and see this all happening or maybe it's me..."White coats" How do you find the Connection, the filling of certainty the balance, the need for contentment..is it our life's journey? We had it without knowing it...
So after this realization this morning I had a great sense of peace come over me..one of knowing that this life long journey is about me fulfilling these needs and how to do...I knew this before but looking at it from this perspective has me in a more spiritual moment.
As of having the experience of being a mother 4 times (with a set of twins) and being part of the mystery, I do understand on a deeper level this morning more so then every before what I'm returning to as of the cycle that is spoke about through stories of old and new. Lets say I Get it BiG time now.
My need to have this certainty in an uncertain world lies in the hands of a spiritual concept more so then I ever thought...Now bottle that up for awhile till it has a chance to grow in flavor and then what do you do with it all...You create you continue the cycle more in a way that is of your authenticity self. coming to point this morning is an awesome awakening for me. I know I have a piece or two of work up on the studio table but I think I'm heading outside today to pull away more of the old growth from last year and help prepare for my spot to put the tent up for papermaking...so I'm going Raking..or to gain in abundance of and from the earth.
On top of this all I've watch my children grow into some really awesome young adults and I so damn proud of them..so proud a big weller of tears is upon me now as I write this out. Each one of the children are awesome. My son has completed is certificate for Welding and one thing led to another and he is on in a full time job gathering more experience to become the welder he wants to be. He's been working a partime job as cashier and stocker for Jewel, first job every since he was 16 and now at the age of 21 he's here...Scary for him but he's thinking of he's future and what and where the want's go to.
Well I think I've probably scared you all away by this kind of spiritual talk, but it's what make life go around in the wonderous blue green circle that she is.