Friday, July 06, 2012

Packing up for the workshop today.. and a bit of a crossroad

I decided to head out early for a morning walk with the four legged loves.  it's been a while for the big guy, he turned 2 years yesterday.  Bernie and Maddie my daughters decided to give them both a bath outside...Hank will walk into any pond or swampy area but runs from a garden we've not done anything to him with a hose to be scared of but for some reason he never now when he was very young in a house of 11 puppies three adult Danes and a good Indian family something might have happened that scared him..(kids with garden hose and him getting sprayed)  So the girls were able to give him a sponge bucket bath..and Carl is so white now(he loves a bath) but his hair is just falling out..he never stops shedding.. I think he has Alaskan Malamute in him or something.. the double coat.  So Hank was treated with a bath for his birthday and his all slick and shinny black. 

I struggled in the studio, on my piece most of the morning. Just a wild bit of a funk...feel guilty for being inside where it was cool while the husband is working outside in the heat and humidity. Circled with emotional thoughts...yes it was a case of stinking thinking. I stopped working on my piece and decided to do the mundane task of the homestead...I needed to feel better about things so keeping up on the tasks around the home has a way to snap me back into reality.  I struggled with reading a book called, Brave Intuitive Painting by Flora Bowley.. I really need to start listening to the call to sit down and relax..I seem to thing I have to go...go...go. Old record in the head from my mother, love her dearly but, "Laura, Use you time wisely and don't just sit there do something"  I truely have to force myself to relax..I don't know how it's always been in motion for me.

So I did take a few moments and sneak in some reading The book I've wanted to read for a few weeks now is just a dose of spiritual medicine I needed to read. Even the few pages with the lovely artwork was enough to reboot the creative drive again..

So with that I'm going to share it with you. Mainly because it part of my process of grasping what I read...doing the underlining and taking notes on a piece of paper and then typing it if I could hear it on a CD that would be great..inspiring all my sense as best I funny how that is when you understand how you learn..I've got to be swimming in from all angle before I get it and then even though that happens I loose it only to repeat the reading at later date and it becomes just what I needed at that point then too.

Brave Intuitive Painting...Let go. Be bold. Unfold.
For many years I struggled with the my desire to paint for the sake of exploration, raw expression, and release. I thought my art needed to support an intellectual theory, make a political statement, or in some way change the world. Eventually I surrendered, allowing myself to paint for the purpose of painting and the joy it brings.

After many years of following my heart, I now understand that the very act of pure expression does change the world.

It changes the world by changing each and every person who is brave enough to pick up a paintbrush, open themselves up to the unknown, and express themselves honestly and intuitively. It is  through this kind of heartfelt expression that truths are revealed. lives transform, and new worlds are born.

In my journal writing this morning I woke up to the words, "I'm going to have to relearn how to create for me."  Yes if I'm to work towards creating for myself mode and not in a selfish way but in a way to be in my studio and create the work that is calling to come out and me to be the servant to that calling I will have to learn how to do that... Crazy Artist or is it an someone that is ready now for focus on calling that has been walked over, dragged around, pick up and drop by the side, resurfaced and tossed in a pile or juggled around with the many other chores of a woman mother wife and homestead manager.. Is it me time with out sound selfish...and why am I so worry about sounding selfish.  Don't know is it my sticking thinking but in order to be totally focused I wonder what that would take..?  In my morning pages I've been asking for guidance in a few area in mylife and I know this process and it works so being patience will tell or reveal more.

What if your a creative spirte that gets distracted easily and bored quickly and welcomed the constant change of ideas and new direction and you lived like this all of your life and now you want to focus on a stead creative line of work... hmmmm am I asking too much of it hard for a stubborn bear-ness to change habits...? questions I ask myself,  if this is a cross roads then there's going to be struggle and unearthing and moments of fear, doubt and running scared... as a rock I picked a few days ago said  Pain=Change.  today I picked Listen.. Any ways...trailing off here ...

I'm good  just roll with thoughts and sorting it out as best I can but I know that I've got to turn it over and seek the next right thing to do and for this morning it was walking the dogs early and now rambling on here and then glazing my big piece before I start backing for the Creative Prayer flags Workshop...

If I sounds like I've gone over board or slipped a gap in the gear box,  I've's a process much like anything else to throw it all out there on the table and then pick up what is most useful.

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Thank you for stopping by and viewing my collage chatter, many creative blessings and peace to you and yours