Saturday, July 16, 2011
A childhood memory
I few days ago I seen on facebook a cousin of mine shared some news...I didn't react to it right away but my own thoughts in my head were awakened. Then my step mom and dad called and shared the same news and I have to admit I felt a pull and a tug...as of I've not seen my aunt, uncle and cousin in so long...Just this morning I realized I have been carrying my parents shame of their divorce and I had that veiling over me which kept a curtain between approaching any of my side of the family...No blame here at all, just eye opening and awakening a hidden spirit...
You see my aunt Margie is dying...and she's now staying at my cousin Caryn's home with my Uncle too..And I'm going to visit them today.. I didn't know when I heard the news from my parents what to do...and the tug came... I'm an mature woman and the right thing to do is to visit now...but the child in me loaded with fear and shame didn't want to pick up the phone. I said a few prayers for guidance and by the afternoon found myself in my studio...so grateful I know to use the gift of art to help heal...I started to work on my piece I have on the table and then I called my mom in Arkansas and told her how I was feeling and of the news of my Aunt Margie...You see they were very close, my dad was the mechanic at the gas station in Naperville on the North side of town and with my Uncle Lenny who owned the station and my other Uncle Don who has passed on now two years was the owner of the Standard station on the South side. Could be why the smell of Gasoline also brings on a flood of emotions and memories.
So not to get to lengthy here I got the guts up to call my cousin Caryn and see if I could visit and I'm going over there this morning at 10:30 it will be hard but I have to say with my evening journal writing the idea of bring a small hand made journal for them was really strong. I wrote in there this morning to my Aunt Margie, about my memories and one of them that is so so very present is the Airedale dog they had that would...many times...bring home died skunks or have been skunked...the whole house would smell, I was young and slept over there and this would happen... so this morning while sitting out early cause Hank the Tank woke me up to go out..I sat out on the patio with my candle and my morning pages and was writing about my memories and then I wrote in the small journal too and wouldn't you know it...God has a sense of humor, Our Great Dane Hank went rushing to the fire pit (there was a sense that a raccoon or something was around I felt it but didn't realize what really was there) and made a bit of a ruckus and then Carl stood back alert and then I smelt it...Oh no...skunk...Hank had a skunk in his mouth and Carl came in to help carry it to me....Yikes...Now some would be having a bit of a fit to know their dog got skunked let alone killed a skunk well luckily it was a very young one and the smell isn't as strong but...I couldn't help but be flooded with joyfulness of tears and of the loss of my Aunt passing soon too...As a friend of mine would say...It's not Odd it's God...and I do believe that...
Now off to tend to some much needed smells and things..